Well, I guess I am on a roll now. Two posts in one day! This is a short one though, and I will have to see if I can get a decent picture to show you what I am talking about.

I get the bright idea from time to time that I want to change my look. If it was okay to wear wigs even if you are not a cancer patient or there was something wrong with your hair, I would be that person that owned a lot of wigs. I want my hair to be different all the time. I grow my hair out, I really like it, then I think, no, I want something different so I cut it off. I have always done this and normally I do not tend to like the way I look with my hair short so why I do it I really don't know. I think it may have something to do with the definition of someone being crazy, to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. Anyway, my husband (he used to be a hairdresser and no you wouldn't believe it if you saw him), usually cuts my hair for me so since we have been married, my hair has probably looked the best it has ever looked except for when I was a teenager. He does a great job and won't do drastic haircuts for me. He happened to be out of town a few weeks ago and I desperately needed my hair colored and along with that was desiring a change in my hairstyle. The lady I went to was new to me and she thought the picture I brought was perfect for me and I said, "Will it look JUST like the picture?" She says, "just like it!" and I say okay, cut it. It didn't look just like the picture, (btw, it never does, right?) close, but the sides were too short, and I have been not really enjoying the way I look since then. I am sure all you women out there can empathize and have probably done it yourself over and over.

What I have decided is that this is a learning tool. Am I only full of confidence when I feel like I look good, or do I have an inner confidence that allows me to carry on with or without a hairstyle that I feel good about? Well, I try to carry on but let me say, the older I get the harder it is to look in the mirror and be happy with the way I look when I don't like my hair. The face has a few more wrinkles that I am definitely noticing, but all in all, I have been glad to know that there is more to me than a good hair day. : ) Thank you Lord for the little lessons of life.

Melancholy Holiday

Well, I have not been inspired to write in quite some time as I am sure you can tell since there are no entries. It has been a busy time with the holidays upon us. This would normally have been our year to go to Midland Tx for Thanksgiving but circumstances happened that prevented that so we had Thanksgiving here at the house. I thoroughly enjoyed it even though there was a lot of cooking and cleaning up time in the kitchen. It seems so easy when you start planning and doesn't seem like an awful lot to do but it is a neverending process with not much time to sit down and rest and always one more thing you need to get done. My cousins came, my sons and their families came, my aunt was here, not too big a crowd just 10 adults and 2 children, my precious grandchildren, Ian and Mac. They were such a blessing that day and we really enjoyed having all of them in our home.

I got sick the next day with a sore throat and haven't been able to get completely well yet, so it has taken me a little time to get the Christmas decor going. I just about finished up the inside today except for the trees, I plan on that tomorrow then all that is left is the outside. I was outside just today removing the Fall decor thinking this would be great weather to put out the outside decorations but decided I was out of time and postponed it till tomorrow and I just heard a major cold front is headed our way so maybe no outside Christmas decorations till next week or a warmer day anyway.

I think it is so strange that the one year I get motivated to actually buy presents and wrap them early that everyone else is thinking of cutting back this year. Our church is urging everyone to buy one less gift this year, especially for children, but we have never been extravagant to start with. The reason for Christmas is not the gift giving, but that is fun, (it is more blessed to give than receive). It is not about the decorating, although that is really fun, (we are created in God's image and he was the greatest creator of all time so I think that is why we enjoy decorating so much, new creations). We all know it is about our Saviour's birth, why he came and that He will come again for us someday, but this is a holiday that brings us together like no other holiday. It is a time for family to be together and it is a very melancholy time for those of us that have lost parents, siblings or other loved ones we used to share the holidays with. So even though I have thoroughly enjoyed the holidays so far in 2010 it also brings a touch of melancholy because I remember so well the safe, blessed, happy, cozy feeling that Christmastime always brought to our home when I was a child. My children remember the many Christmas Eves we spent with Granny, playing games (she was super competitive) and eating Christmas food, reading "The Night Before Christmas" and the story out of the Bible about Christ's birth. They are wonderful memories, hard to forget, and very hard not to miss those days even though there are new traditions to be made, new families to find their own fun times and to make their own memories. I know life goes on and we can't always look back but maybe in the holidays we tend to just a little more than other times. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to pick up the phone and ask my mom, now how much sage do you put in the dressing? even though I have been cooking Thanksgiving dinner many years now all on my own, but I still want her to know that especially this time of year how very much I miss her.

Women are Weird

Women are so weird. Well, maybe not weird but hard to figure a lot of the time. I even think I get hard to figure out sometimes and I know me pretty well. Yesterday was a strange day. I filled in as receptionist for an office in Fort Worth. I wasn't really excited about going but I really like the other women who work there, but since there isn't much to do there except answer the phone and take payments, time tends to drag a little. So with that said, I didn't sleep well knowing I had to get up early and for some reason I either don't trust my alarm clock or it scares me when it goes off because when it is set I wake up all night seeing if it is about to go off. I actually got up early because of that very thing and really needed to wash my hair, didn't so I had a really bad hair day yesterday, and slowly, slowly, slowly I felt myself throughout the day slipping into the pit of womanhood for lack of a better word. I wasn't depressed, I was concerned about one of my children that was having a bad day(s), didn't really want to work, felt ugly (because of my hair), felt rushed all day, which is not great for me but I did get off at 2pm. That was a good thing. I ran to Dillard's and picked up a few things, drove home, got ready for our girl's night out, dinner and a movie and lots of laughing. That is a good thing but the hair still wasn't cutting it and you know when you are a woman, you want to look good around other women, friends or no, you just do, so when I got home, I was tired, still hadn't heard from the child having a bad day, sat down to play bejeweled on FB and turned on the TV. There was nothing on as usual and I scrolled through till I found the Hallmark Channel with some movie on it that had Richard Gere in it. Well, I thought to myself this can't be too bad if Richard is in it, oh and it had a dog in it too. I half watched it until the last 40 minutes or so and it finally captured my complete attention. As it turns out it was a true story about a dog and his master who died and the dog waited for him faithfully for the next 9 years at the train station. Every day at 5pm the man would ride the train home from work, the dog met him there and one day the master died and the dog of course did not understand and he went to the train station everyday at 5 and waited until everyone came out. Perfect movie to end this kind of day for women feeling a little down, because the tears started flowing and of course they would not stop. I cried off and on until my husband got home after midnight, my little schnauzer followed me around staring at me like he wanted to help but had no clue what to do. Today, I feel much better after having cried it out. So strange to me that sometimes we just need a good cry and we feel so much better. I am so thankful that I am a woman and some of my problems can be solved as easily as a sappy movie and a few tears. : )

Shopping Time!

My sister and brother in law came to Weatherford this past Thursday and she and I along with my friend Vicki took another little trip to Canton. Vicki and I have been 2 months in a row and we are about to get this shopping thing down to a science. We know where to park, where to shop first, go back to the car (which isn't too far away), empty the cart and start over. This time my sister went with me and although she is an expert shopper, maybe even to the professional level, she had never, no never, been to Canton. Of course she loved it and of course it was a marathon shopping day. When we finished we went to some of the shops in Canton outside the First Monday grounds and got home about 10pm last night.

We had just a couple of mishaps, one with the shopping cart, Martha was pushing it, went over a drainage grate and the front wheel jammed which caused the cart to stop and Martha of course kept going, right over the top of the cart. Hilarious moment, Vicki and I had to laugh about it several times but so did she. Of course no one notices you until you do something embarrassing like fall over your shopping cart. : ) She is fine by the way, just a little sore, but it may be the end of shopping days for the cart. : )

My sister is probably one of the most naive and pure minded persons you would ever meet, which made the next experience really funny but since you don't know her the humor in the next story may escape you. I mentioned we went to some other shops after First Monday closed down, the main one being a shop called Laurie Anna's. I would say it was a fairly exclusive shop, very top of the line things. In one room of their shop was clothing and jewelry and sign which read, "Please do not remove clothing or jewelry from this room, a salesperson will assist you." When Martha got ready to purchase a ring she asked the saleslady, "How do I purchase this ring?" She tells her, "We get you one of these buckets and then we put your initials on this card and place it in the bucket. What are your initials?" My sister does not reply with her name, she just says, "MF". The sales lady looks at her kind of funny then Martha said, "MF, Martha Fairchild". Of course you know what ran through my mind but I figured my sister had never even heard those words before, so I didn't say anything and on the way home that night she said, I never thought about my initials being MF, no wonder that clerk had that funny look on her face, I will just give them my name from now on." Of course Vicki and I laughed and laughed.

Men don't get the shopping trips women take. Women don't get the hunting trips that men take, but it is all about the laughter, the sharing and the bonding that takes place when you spend some time with the people you enjoy most. So thankful today for special friends like Vicki and my sweet sister. So glad for the time we spent together on this gorgeous Halloween weekend.

How Cute?

I had an experience with my granddaughter Mallory Thursday night that blew my mind. Her mom had to work late so I picked the girls up from daycare and took them to eat at Cici's Pizza. Everything was clicking right along, Mallory was eating away and a little guy with a spikey haircut and black T-shirt walks up to our booth and starts chattering away to Mallory. He walks over to her and puts both arms around her and gives her a hug, just like they have seen adults do I am quite sure, and then she gets out of the booth and hugs him back. I was sitting there in shock I think. I have never ever seen a little boy in the first grade walk up to a girl and start TALKING let alone hug her. I was thinking, they are way too young for this, but part of me was thinking, that is too cute. Mallory never meets a stranger but this little guy was way out-talking her. I asked him if he was in her class at school and he said, "I was last year." I really couldn't believe it then, this kid wasn't even in her class this year and he was still completely uninhibited about talking to her. I asked what his name was and Mallory said, "Pweston" (she can't say her r's), so I said, "Weston?" and he said, "NO, PRESTON." Her little sister was sitting beside me and her face was as red as a beet, she is a little shy until she gets to know you, but she was watching them like a hawk. I thought I wish a had a picture of this and about that time his mom came over with her cell phone and asked if she could take their picture and my first thought came back to me that they were both way to young to be so comfortable with the hugging and talking at such a young age, her Papaw would have had a fit probably, but he wasn't there and it was just so darned cute!

The Help

I just came from a new book club that some of the ladies from our Bible study have started. I don't usually care for book clubs BECAUSE when someone says I have to read a certain book something in my brain kicks in and says, "I don't want to read that." I love to read. I have always been a reader. Most mothers would be thrilled to have children that loved to read but not mine, she thought I was lazy because I was always sitting or laying around in my room reading. She would say, "Debbie Sue get up from there and go outside and DO something." She didn't like for us to be idle. After the age of about 10 when we had moved to a new town and I was getting a little old to be "playing" outside, reading became my passion. After we moved away from all the neighborhood kids I knew and played with, after petting the dog and cat and maybe riding my bike up and down the road, I wasn't quite sure what the excitement was about being outside. I was happier sitting in my room reading. She just never understood it because she didn't enjoy reading. If you share my enthusiasm for books you understand how I feel about reading. If the author does her job well you become friends with the characters in each book. You know exactly what they look like, how their voices sound when they speak and they become your friends and family or maybe your enemy sometimes. If I am really involved in a book and its characters, I so hate for it to end because I feel so lonesome and miss them and imagine what happened to everyone after the book ended.

That being said, we talked about the book "The Help". It is an awesome book. I highly recommend it and could not put it down. I spent 2 nights of sitting up past 1am and then I was sad I was finished with it. The author left it wide open for a sequel though and hopefully she will write one. I didn't think this was a book I would be interested in and wouldn't have chosen it for myself but will never forget the stories told by "the help" in an era I grew up in. If you enjoy a good book, easy read, but not easy to put down or forget later, then you must put this one on your list. Excellent book!

Way to Go Rangers!

I can't believe it has been so long since have posted anything on my blog but watching the Ranger's basking in this historic win made me want to just say Congrats to them along with everyone else in Texas. I am not a huge fan, I have been an avid fan of the Astros at one time when my boys were growing up. We spent many vacations at Astro games but we spent a few at the Ballpark also. I know how people who are tried and true fans for years on end hate it when everyone jumps on the winning bandwagon but without the fans you lose the excitement.

I don't know a lot about the players on the Rangers but you would have had to have been living in a cave to not know about Josh Hamilton's testimony. What an amazing story and seemingly a great Christian athlete for little ones to actually be able to look up to. A few moments ago they were talking to Josh and asked him if this way the highlight of his life and he very calmly said, "No that will be when I stand before my Lord and Saviour". Wow! What a blessing to hear him give God the honor and glory for where he is in his career and giving God the credit for bringing him out of the darkness that had enveloped his life.

As fun as this win is for North Texans in particular it will be nothing like being together one day in heaven with our Lord and all our loved ones that are already there, talking about all of our races that we had to run here on earth and in looking back we can see that the painful losses we endured don't really matter any more. We made it, we are home, now that will be some great celebration!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Beau

Well, Friday was my oldest son's birthday. I went to Canton that day (it did not perk me up much, see previous post) and Beau and his little family went to the Fair so I didn't even see him that day. He has always kept his phone by the bed so that I could be the first to tell him "Happy Birthday" but this year when I called he hadn't even put his phone by his bed. It made me sad, okay, I know he is 33 but he will always be my little boy. It made me feel special that he wanted to hear from me first on that day. All moms know what I am talking about. It makes me feel so strange to know that he is almost middle age, when I feel like I should still be middle age. Isn't that the weirdest thing? I even qualify for some senior discounts in restaurants now, how humbling is that? : ) Time goes by so quickly, and I know when you are younger it doesn't seem like it, then the next thing you know, your children are the ages you feel like you should be.

I would just like to tell you that I am so very proud of the way my son has a tender heart to the things of the Lord and that he is learning so much about God and what it means to truly worship him. I am thrilled beyond measure that he has come to know this at a younger age than I have. We are almost walking this spiritual journey parallel to each other and I am so thankful the Lord has brought both of us into an intimate relationship with him and that we have each other to share the things we are learning about the Lord. I don't think a Christian mother can ask for, or be more thankful for anything than that. I was so privileged he wanted to share their church's worship experience with us and thankful that we could go this morning. The Lord has truly blessed their family and given then a wonderful church home at First Baptist Euless.

Many of us spend our lives going to church, singing hymns or praise music but until we truly learn to worship the one and only God of this unbelieveably vast universe at those services intended for worship (or any other time), I think our lives truly lack the sense of wonder at who He really is and the abundant life He promises us in His word. I feel so truly blessed to know my child is learning this right along with me, at different churches, but learning to love and worship the One True Living God of this World. Thank you Lord for all the blessings you pour out on us and for my precious son.

Nope, just don't want to!

I know in the Spring when you are just tired for no reason it is called Spring Fever but what is it called in the Fall? For some reason today, my spirit and my body is exhausted. I usually love yard work and today was the perfect weather and my yard desperately needed the helping hand, so the only thing I had planned for today was to have AT &T install their new AT&T u-verse for us and a high speed internet, this was the 2nd time I had set aside a day to be home to get this done. The first time the order was cancelled, no one knows why and it had been set up 1 month in advance, they rescheduled me for today and 30 minutes before the appointed time for the tech to be here, he calls and asks if we have an alarm system or not and if so he does not happen to have that correct part and I need to reschedule for 2 more weeks out. That did not start my day out well to say the least. I am seriously thinking about cancelling the whole thing but of course I have two weeks to think about it. : )

After that little fiasco and 1 hour on the phone wasted with AT&T, I knew I needed to get busy in the yard, oh no, the grass is still wet, well, no problem I will just start weed-eating. I get about half way through the back yard and the weed-eater dies and doesn't start again. (I am not thinking nice thoughts). I decide to start mowing where the sun was hitting the grass maybe that wouldn't be too wet, I get about half done, go to empty the grass catcher, my phone rings and I talk a few minutes, then the mower that ALWAYS starts won't start. I go back to the weed eater and finish the back yard this time and the front yard (YEA!) making a little progress, but I notice that I am not enjoying working in my yard today. What in the world is up with that?! I am not sure if it is my attitude (sorry, Lord, my current bible study is on changing my attitude, and like my friend I wasn't feeling it today), or if maybe I am actually feeling my age. Horror of horrors, say it aint so. I don't know folks, I am just plain not with it today and hating that I am not as productive with my time as I used to be. I most definitely have the don't want tos. Headed to Canton early tomorrow, maybe a productive shopping day will fix me up. : )

Rainy Day Fun

My son brought Ian to me yesterday afternoon after he got out of preschool (mother's day out). Ian was asleep when they drove up and I got him out of the car, he woke up gave me a big hug and said, "Grammy, Grammy!" like he was so surprised to see me. We had to make a trip to Gibson's for some old timey toys (if you have ever been to Gibson's Discount Store you know what I am talking about). They still have one of those old horses that you can ride for it seems like 5 minutes for just a quarter. : ) He didn't quite know what to think of the horse. His dad left after we ate, we got Ian in the tub and then snuggled up to watch "Toy Story" yet one more time! He would look at me and smile and pat my arm and I thought my heart would burst open. He was so tired I thought he would crash before the movie was over but he made it to the end and slept in one of the twin beds since he is a big boy now and no more baby beds for him. I was worried he would be getting up all night but he went to sleep and we never heard a peep out of him until 8 this morning. After breakfast, Hooked on Phonics You Tube videos, reading and a snack we went outside to play in the sandbox. While we were outside it came a downpour. Of course he stayed under the porch until I got on the phone and he got out in the rain and the rest as we say is history. Give a boy a puddle and he will splash in it, stomp in it and maybe just sit in it. He did have fun in the rain. He also had to climb the ladder we had out, what boy wouldn't? He was supposed to stay two nights but Mom missed him too much and wanted him home, (not that I blame her, he is so precious) so I took him home this afternoon. He was so good, I really enjoyed it. I told him on the way home, "I sure do love you and had so much fun playing with you" and he looked at me before he nodded off and said, "Okay" He is one of God's special blessings I am so truly thankful for.

Grandparents Day

Well, I had my first Grandparents Day at school today with Mallory. Wow, does that make me feel old. We were to go eat lunch with the kids at 11:05 to 11:35 this morning and she had asked me to bring her a Happy Meal from McDonalds. I get to Mcdonalds about 10:35 and it is absolutely COVERED UP with either parents or grandparents all getting Happy Meals for their kids/grandkids. I had no idea it was such a huge deal. I immediately see I cannot wait at McDonalds so I drive to the Sonic. The extremely young carhop brings the food to the car and says, "Are you going to Grandparents Day? We have been so busy with grandparents buying kids meals today." I know I am a grandparent and yes, I realize I am looking older these days, but no one has ever mistaken me for a real grandparent, the parents of the grandchild but never a grandparent. Ouch! Oh well, when I get to school one of the great grandparents who looked like a grandparent, mistook me for a parent so that made me feel a little better. : )
Grandparents are looking younger all the time though and great grandparents now look like what grandparents did in our day.

I had forgotten the absolute chaos of lunchtime in a school cafeteria. When my kids were small they all sat down at one table, in an orderly fashion but today, they just let them sit at their assigned tables (there were 3) but they could sit anywhere at those 3 tables. They could talk as loudly as they wanted and really there didn't seem to be many rules. When it got too noisy when my kids were small they would turn out the lights until they got quiet. Do you remember when we were small and ate in the cafeteria the teacher sat down with us, everyday at the head of the table, we could talk, but quietly, no screaming or loud talking? Another thing I noticed today was the way the teachers were dressed. Teachers used to dress like the bank employees and now (I guess it was becaue it was Friday) you couldn't tell the teachers from the janitors. Really weird feeling. I know, I know, I am outdated and getting old, but I am a firm believer in authority figures dressing for their jobs. I know, times change. One thing I noticed that had not changed was that there were still the mean kids, the outcast kids and the middle of the road kids. Some things never change. Happy Grandparent's Day!

Labor Day

Here it is Labor Day Weekend, where did summer go? I love, love, love summer. Yes, the weather gets hot in August in Texas but hey, it was extremely cold for Texas all winter. It was the wettest, snowiest (if that is a word) winter I have seen in many, many years, so I was more than ready for summer, warm weather, hot weather, any weather but snowy, cloudy and cold. I am sad that summer is over for another year.

Since it is Labor Day of course we need a project to work on and I have chosen to paint an old chest of drawers for my two granddaughters. They are moving to a new apartment so Grammy is fixing up their room for them. I did take a before picture and will take an after picture and post them on the blog so that anyone that reads this post can see what I am talking about.

Girls are just the most fun to buy for with all the pretty colors and girly clothes and accessories. I only had boys, the Lord knew I couldn't tolerate the drama of girls so he was merciful and gave me boys. : ) I do enjoy buying for the little girls though, they are always so excited and appreciative of all we have ever given them that it makes it fun for us to given them things their mom and dad can't at this time. I picked the girls up from daycare on Wednesday because their mom was moving that day. When I picked them up of course they were full of chatter, both at one time, but Mallory consistently talks to me about God and asks me about different things. I can see that he has already prepared her heart and she already has a knowledge and a love for God that would have to have been instilled in her from birth. Her parents do not take her to church, she goes with us on occasion so the knowledge she has been exposed to is limited. The bible tells us we are born with a knowledge of God and she is truly proof of it. Her parents do not attend church and her dad says he does not believe in God. She is worried about her dad and was asking me if someone doesn't love God and doesn't do good things for God will God still love them? It breaks my heart that she is worrying about that at her young age but thrills me to know she is contemplating God and thinks about him a lot and that she knows she can talk to me and Papaw about any questions she has about God. So when people say they don't believe in God, maybe they don't think they believe, but God created something in us that lets us know there is a higher power than ourselves. I am so thankful to know I have a Creator, Lord and Saviour that is smarter than me! Can I have an Amen to that? : ) Happy Labor Day!

Well, here it is 12:30 am, I should be in bed, I will be up early tomorrow, no sleeping in because it is Wednesday and that is Bible Study day. The Lord has given us a great study this fall entitled "Lord, Change My Attitude". I spent more time than usual praying about doing this study, I knew it spoke to my heart but would it speak to other women? God impressed on my heart to go ahead with the study and it has generated much interest.

The first session is "Change my Complaining Attitude..." then the next session is " To a Thanksgiving Attitude."

The Visit

I have found when something happens and it tears at my heart and emotions, it is better for me to write about it at that moment than to wait and do it later. However, I couldn't do that this time, there was too much to process and ponder so I held it back until today. I am still not sure I can write about my son's visit and properly describe it but I want to write down some of it now before it gets too shadowy in my mind.

My youngest son is now 26 about to be 27. I had trouble conceiving until he was conceived, and I remember so well hearing his heartbeat on my 27th birthday. I knew immediately he was a boy, don't ask me how but I heard the heartbeat and just knew. I made a deal with his dad that he could name the baby if it was a girl and we would use the name I picked out if it was a boy. Pretty clever of me, I knew it a was boy. When I carried this child, I told the Lord "he is yours" I don't think I ever even wanted to take back that promise and just knew he would end up in God's service. That has not happened and not only is he not in God's service he doesn't even attend church and has no use for spiritual things right now, at least as far as I know anything about. He is still God's, he always was whether I gave my permission or not and I trust that God is still working in his life. I know God has shown him love and mercy and comforted my heart many times over his life choices, but they are his decisions to make, parents only provide the tools and the instruction to make wise choices, they are not always heeded. The Bible tells us in Proverbs " Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." I tried to the best of my ability to bring him up in a way God would be pleased with.

For many years now, I have fretted over his choices and decisions but I have finally concluded that I still have a life that needs living, God promises me his peace and grace to come through hard times, he has done it for me and I am ready to leave it in God's hands, He loves my child more than I possibly can, even though as a parent, especially a mom, it is hard to comprehend.

God has blessed this child with a great sense of humor, to play a piano like no one else I know, he looks like his namesake (my dad) and he has a good heart, and intelligence that he tries to hide. The only job I have left now is to be there for him, love him, and pray for him, and allow him to live his own life. That is one job I can and must do. I know he enjoyed being home, eating some homecooked food and seeing us for a little while, but sometimes when all has been said and doesn't need to be said again, it gets too hard to stay very long. Needless to say, I cherished every moment I had him with me, hearing him play the piano once again and just having him here, safe with me for the moment was a great blessing for me. I love you sweet child.

My youngest son came home for a few days. He had 4 days of vacation saved up and he was itching to take it

Family

My sweet sister and brother in law came to visit me and my husband Sunday night and Monday night. They were headed to Houston to the oil show. I so enjoyed her visit and it brings to mind the importance of family and the blessing our families are. It will be my sister's birthday on the 25th of August so I sort of fixed her a birthday dinner of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn and green beans and last but not least, chocolate cake, just like our mom used to make. It was so good and brought back so many precious memories. Not only was my sister here, my cousin (who lives here in Weatherford) has a daughter that resides in Massachusetts and she and her 14 mo old son Ryan were able to come and spend about 10 days in this area also. My son and his wife and 2 boys came over while she was here with her little one and our used to be babies got together with their babies. Wow, what an amazing thing to witness, life pressing on when we feel like sometimes we ourselves are standing still. I still feel like I should be the 30 year old with growing children instead of the 50 something year old Grammy watching my children raise their own children. I am so thankful that God has given me the opportunity and blessing to be of good health and the ability to watch all of them grow, and the capacity to find more and more room in my heart for each one of the grandchildren. That is an amazing thing to me that the heart has no capacity limit on love. As long as we are flexible and allow the heart to take in all those precious small hands and hearts and little personalities there is no end to the capacity to love.

There have been those things in my life that have shut down my heart and my capacity to love fully the way God intended, but there is nothing like a special grandchild to thaw out that heart and then one day your heart is full of love once again. I also noticed that when I started loving them, at first it was just them, but with that little seed of love planted in the frozen places of my heart, it began to thaw and not only did a love for my grandchildren grow, a love for others did as well. That is what God intended for us, we are his temple and if we are born again of God he resides in us, His temple. The Bible tells us that God is Love. Is that what is residing in your heart? Thank you Lord for my family, what a wonderful blessing!

Girlfriends

Today I had the priviledge of going to Graham with some girlfriends. Actually one of the ladies has a 2nd home in Bryson and she invited our Prayers and Squares members to her house just for R & R and some shopping in Graham. If you couldn't come and spend the night you were welcome to come up for the day and that is what a group of us did today. We left Weatherford about 7:30am and headed to Bryson, we sat out on her big front porch and visited until our breakfast buffet was ready and then we ate and visited in the house. The food was wonderful and the fellowship even better. Everytime I am with these ladies I love them more and more. There is a reason for that, it is found in Phillipians 2:1-5... It says, If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Women can be catty, contentious, jealous and overall sometimes not the nicest people to be around, unless that is they are like minded in Christ. When you are controlled by the Holy Spirit, someone else's feelings and interests become more important than your own, in a group you put others first because that is what Christ would do. I could never make you grasp what these ladies through the love of the Lord have done for me. Because they love the Lord, they love me also, they care about me and not only me we all care for one another and that is what makes our fellowship so very precious and sweet.

Thanks to Carolyn for opening her home, for those that labored over our meal, for the ones that drove their vehicles, for the ones that brought us homemade jelly and loofahs (Joyce and Joyce), I so appreciate your kindness and love for me and all the ladies that gathered under your roof today.

Just Call Me Dead-Eye Deb

Monty is home and have I ever told you he is a gun enthusiast? He LOVES guns. Along with going to the lake in the summer, I did not grow up with guns in our household, therefore I do not love going to the lake and I am not a big fan of guns. I am not one of those silly people that think we should not bear arms, quite the contrary but just not an enthusiast. It seems to me one shotgun and one handgun should suffice but that would not be my husbands belief. He gave me a gun a long time ago to keep in the nightstand, it is loaded but it has never made me feel any safer because it is not that I cannot shoot a gun when I am calm and no one is threatening my life. I think it would be extremely hard to keep my wits if I was alone and someone was breaking into my home and I was being awakened out of a deep sleep. I am one of those kinds of people that have played out the scenario many times and am not sure if I could keep a cool head should that happen to me. Monty has shown me how to load the gun but I don't ever remember what kind of bullets go in it and could I shoot the person with the 6 bullets that go in the gun without having to reload? Well, just let me say that after going to the firing range today, I think I could. I hate to admit it but it was really fun. Monty was so proud that I was so accurate with my aim, but I told him, "Lining the sight up and hitting a target is not hard when there is no immediate emergency, under duress I am still not sure I could hit someone especially if they were coming after me, BUT I am a lot more confident after today. I have never wanted a gun particularly before and he jokes about buying me one all the time, but today in the gun store after target practice I did see a 380 with the laser beam that I sure wouldn't mind having. Hmmm, maybe, just maybe, I might be taking up a new hobby. By the way, don't ever startle me in the middle of the night, I have a gun and now I know how to use it. : )

True Love

It seems like for the last year I have been on an amazing journey, falling in love with my Lord and Saviour in a way that I never have before and so it is hard for me to admit, I am watching and thoroughly enjoying a show that is so worldly and sinful, but am smiling all over myself as the Batchelorette finds love once again. Let me just say that I chose Roberto for her from day one, so I hope they really do make it. Yes, I am not stupid and I know that love found on those shows never lasts. There is though in the hearts of women that little girl that still hopes for the fairy tale, for the love that sweeps us off our feet.

Marriage is such a funny relationship. In dating we search for that tingly, love at first sight feeling, but ultimately I have learned that the love that grows from the slow and steady, day in and day out love that you know will be there for you no matter what, is what marriage is really all about. Relationships are hard work but God created them male and female and I think that is what gives us that continuous yearning for a partner in our lives. My first marriage lasted 21 years, thinking I would never marry again when we divorced, I was surprised when I realized I did not want to live alone, I wanted the fairy tale so I married again, a disastrous marriage that broke my heart and spirit for many years after it broke up. You would think that would have convinced me to stay single but I was not created to be alone. I was created to be a helpmate and to have a mate that loved me, protected me and takes care of me so I married once again. I am not proud of the fact I have been married three times, but I know this time, that although my heart is battered and a little worse for the wear I have found a mate that truly loves me and there is no fear or worry that he will leave me for another or because I have grown old and not as attractive as I once was, but that he is there through thick and thin, for better and worse as long as we both shall live.

My Lord and Saviour gives me the same love and assurance in my relationship with Him. I may mess up and put others ahead of Him at times, but His love is unfailing and He promises to never leave me or forsake me. The assurance He offers me is so wonderful and if we can truly embrace it and work for a relationship with our Lord the blessings of His presence from now through eternity is ours to enjoy.

When You Least Expect It

The Lord has a strange way of bringing us joy in unexpected ways and at unexpected times. He did that for me Sunday night through a phone conversation I was blessed to have with my oldest son. Beau has always had the softest heart from infancy and he has never outgrown it. He has a tough exterior but no matter how hard he has tried to be harder and tougher inside it has never worked. It is hard to have a soft heart, especially in this day and time and especially if you are a guy. Guys are supposed to have that rough, tough personna, but God created some and I would say most men with soft hearts, it is just most of them learn through adolescence to put a padlock on those tender feelings and emotions because that is just what guys do, they are tough, protectors, providers and Beau is no different from the others but his heart is soft toward the Lord. We had a most precious conversation discussing his rediscovery of who God really is and what it truly means to be a man of God. As a parent we all want our children to be happy and have a wonderful life, then we realize what truly matters is that they are serving the God that created them and having a relationship with Him that surpasses all others in their lives, because only when God is number 1 in our lives can we become all He intended us to be when he gave us life. Sometimes we just have an Aha moment. Sometimes we become a parent and that helps us understand unconditional love a little better than we did before children. Sometimes we just get so absolutely weary and quit striving to be and just let go and ask God if we can start again and of course He is always willing. I know it thrilled me that my child had come to the point in His life that he realized having the relationship with his creator was of utmost importance. It isn't just about going to church it is a LIFESTYLE choice. Can I just say "thank you Lord" that you continue to speak to our hearts and that my child, no longer a boy himself but a husband and father had a tender enough heart to allow you to speak to his. Thank you Father, please lead and guide their precious family and guard their hearts and minds to dwell on you.

The Boys!

My boys came for a visit on Saturday. Mom (Cara) had to get a job out and she needed some peace and quiet so Dad (Beau, my son), Ian and Mac came to visit Grammy and Papaw for the day. It was so much fun. Ian was asleep when they drove up and I went out to get him out of his car seat. His eyes popped open and he smiled when he saw me, so excited to be at Grammy and Papaw's house. We played and played. Mac was as good as a baby could be, he took his bottle then settled in for a long afternoon nap. I fed them supper and they went home about 7:30. Such a blessing to have them so close so we get to see them often. I think we will change Ian's name to the Energizer Bunny, he keeps going and going and going. My aunt spent the day with me also and she kept asking, "Does he ever take a nap?" : )

Girls Night Out

It has been awhile since we had a girls night out. Let me just say it was way past due and just what I was needing. The ladies I go out with are special friends that the Lord has blessed me with. They are ladies that I could share anything with and they would be loving and supportive. It is so funny how God supplies the different kinds of friendships in one's life. I have friends that are acquaintances, friends that are good friends that have stood the test of time, friends that speak to your soul and understands exactly how you feel when you try to explain to them how you are feeling spiritually. I have friends that God has given me that have walked the same paths in certain circumstances that I have and they have made my way easier because of it. I have been blessed beyond measure to have all these kinds of friends. I have a sister that has always been my best friend but since we don't see each other as often as we used to, God has given me other sisters that are as comfortable as old shoes and we pick up where we left off the last time we were together just like we never missed a beat. It is an amazing gift and one I am truly and unutterably thankful for. Thanks girls for the laughter, the conversation, and the ability we each have to make the other one comfortable in their own skin. It was fun.

Yesterday our pastor preached directly to me again. He talked about how we try and try to become the person that God will be pleased with but no matter how hard we try, we of ourselves can never achieve that goal, it is the Holy Spirit living within us that makes us that person that becomes a friend of God. That is what I want to be today. God's friend, someone he is glad that he created and placed on this earth. I do know I love Him for all he has done and it is awesome to think that He created me to be part of His totally incredible creation, still the sinful nature that lives within me also wars against the spiritual making me a miserable person at times. I think it is time to be creative with my life. I must take it and do something new or does that mean he takes me and does something new with me? I know I am not content to merely exist. I want more than that. How do you think it is that some people can wake up every morning and contentedly go about their day when others like me for the last three weeks, get up with an emptiness in their soul that feels as large as the Grand Canyon? I have had the contentment and peace in my soul and I have heard that God sometimes stirs up our nests so to speak, to get us out of our comfort zone to step up to the next level with Him, but I get confused as to who is stirring me up. Is it my Lord trying to move me on, not wanting me to rest where I am or is it Satan stirring the pot of discontentment?

Lord I pray for direction from you. Please show me what you want me to be and then make it happen through your spirit in me. I desire nothing more or less than to have the peace in my soul that I know only you can provide. Should there be sin that I need to confess, show me what it is that I might confess it and return once again to a place where I have a thirst and a hunger for you, your words and life itself. You created me for a reason, please help me walk in such a way I fulfill your desire for me and fill me up with your spirit in abundance. Amen

This is my life

Life has been busy lately, nothing exciting just busy stuff. I have been in Snyder helping Monty (as best I could) with a remodel there. Maybe I helped a little but I was ready to be done with the job and come home. We have just tried to get rested up a little, of course when you have been gone there is always laundry to catch up and yard work that has to be done. I am weird about that though, I do enjoy yard work. I am trying to grow a pumpkin patch inside our retaining wall so I am trying to figure out what it takes to actually have pumpkins to decorate with in the fall. Monty and I went to the movies last night and on the way home were talking about technology and how it just blows our minds. Things we saw in movies when we were young are now things that we all have in our homes, the tiny phones we all carry and all the things we can do with them just absolutely boggles the mind. Just yesterday I had sent Ian a video e-mail, singing ABC's to him and when we got home they called and walked me through getting on Skype so I could actually talk to him in real time, he doesn't relate to the phone all that well, but when he can see you it makes a difference. If you are about my age you can remember Jane or June Jetson talking on her phone but could actually see the person. I remember everyone talking about how awful that would be because you wouldn't want to answer the phone if you didn't have your hair combed or makeup on or were still in your pjs at noon! It has arrived and has been made accessible for every household, it is easy to sign up and it is free. How does that work? Nothing is free anymore! : )

Having said all that I am having a blue day. Monty left for Midland for a few days, I am teaching SS on Sunday so I need to get my lesson completed, which is something I usually look so forward to, but just feel a little down today. I have figured out that writing is something that usually makes me feel better when I get down in the dumps and had signed up for a creative writing class on the 15th of June for Tues and Thurs nights until July 8th but they called this morning and cancelled the class because not enough had signed up. I can't even begin to tell you how disappointed I am. I know that life is a wonderful, blessed gift from the Lord. I know that, I am still on this earth because God has a purpose for my life, but I have days when I really struggle to find the motivating factor for my life. I want to be the person I should be in Christ but sometimes the inadequacy I perceive in my soul is overwhelming. Thank you Lord that you see through all the bad stuff and still work through me to reach others for you. Help me be the person you want me to be.

The Best Day of My Life!

I kept grandkids this past week, well I know Sunday starts a new week but I kept Mallory and Emily Sunday. They went to Sunday School with me and then we went to eat at CiCi's Pizza, (big mistake) what a mess, well, with Emily not so much with Mallory. They both wanted pepperoni pizza and then they both picked the pepperoni off the pizza and ate plain cheese pizza. I had asked them if they wanted cheese pizza and of course "NO, we want pepperoni!" Go figure, anyway, feeding my grandkids is my least favorite thing to do with them EVER! After lunch I was kind of out of sorts because of the lunch mess and of course we had planned on swimming in the afternoon. We ended up of course having a great time in the pool. Last year at the end of the swimming season they were both unafraid of the water and Mallory was swimming without a life jacket, and Emily was jumping off the side of the pool and swimming (in her floatie swimsuit) back to the steps to do it all over again. This was a new season and they had to get used to it all over again and they had a great time. I don't think Mallory has been to our house in the past 6 months that she didn't tell me about something else she had done and she always ends the story with, "That was the BEST day of my life!" When she left our house Sunday, she told me, "This was the Best day of my life!" Grouchy ole Grammy thought to herself, and said out loud, "Oh, Mallory! you say that about everyday." After she left and all day today, I have thought to myself what a great habit it would be to think everyday you spent was the BEST day of your life! Wouldn't we all be in better mental health if we could adopt that attitude? If God blesses us with the ability to be healthy enough to get up in the morning, mow grass, drive a car, go to the grocery store, visit with friends, clean our houses, take care of all the blessings God has given us, shouldn't every day be the BEST day EVER?! From the mouths of babes comes a truth that we should all embrace. May you always be such a positive thinker Miss Mallory! Love you!

Play Day

Today after Bible Study I went to eat with some friends and then headed to Ridgmar Mall to meet my daughter-in-law and pick up my grandson, Ian. He spent the night with me last night. I had been out of town for a few days and had missed getting to see him, so I opted for a sleepover. I can honestly say I had a blast with him. He has a little bit of a disability called Sensory Integration Disorder and my son and his wife have been working with therapists to get his speech on track and up to speed. He has just had 3 sessions and I would like to commend therapists and mom and dad on the great progress he has made in just a few weeks. First of all I would like to say there is nothing wrong with his intelligence it is just hard for him to process some things and gets flustered easily. He also has a little OCD and doesn't like getting his hands in dirt or anything sticking to them, like food or dirt or grass, so I bought him a little play station where one side is for sand and the other side for water play. It was a great success and he played with it for well over an hour without losing interest. Next we got in the pool and he jumped off the side of the pool to me and I pulled him through the water as he kicked his little chubby legs. I pushed him in the pool float until he almost fell asleep, we got out came in the house, he would not take a nap so he watched Toy Story all the way through with his blanket and frog pillow, repeating some of the lines of the movie to my great delight. We played on the neighbors swingset after supper, had races in the backyard and then a bath and to bed around 9pm. I can honestly tell you my heart is totally out in the open, none of it held back where this child is concerned. I love him with all of my being and would do anything for him. He is my first grandson and a great blessing from God to me and I am so thankful for the time we spent together, for his sweet voice as he makes animal sounds, and says or sings his ABC's. One of the great strides he made that I had noticed is that he wore his cowboy hat for at least 5 minutes. That is a huge step as he doesn't want anything touching his head, part of the sensory disorder. I got the pictures to prove it and here they are, my little thumb sucking cowboy. Now isn't that precious?!

A Blast from My Past

I have just returned home today after spending 4 days and nights in my former home town, Snyder TX. I was dreading going because there are still so many memories there that really tear at my heart. Snyder is where I was born and lived until age 10, moved back in 1982 and reared both my children there, both of them going all the way through the public school system in that one town, playing ball, learning about life, music and everything in between. My youngest son was brought home from the hospital to the house we built and lived in until I moved in 2002. We attended Calvary Baptist Church the whole time we were there and it is still home to me. I moved there in 1982 after my dad had passed away suddenly and left my mother a widow at the age of 53. I am older than that now and I can't imagine her living alone all those years until her death at age 74. Memories just flooded my mind the whole time I was there. Memories of people, places and conversations, activities, work, church and the busyness of life. There were memories even of food and we had to eat at all my favorite old places, except for one, Lota Burger, which is long gone, and everyone still misses it. I can still smell it and imagine the taste which nothing else even compares to. Yes, life goes on, people change, people don't change, the finality of memories and the frustration they bring makes it hard to go back and face those memories sometimes, but sometimes, you get a glimpse of a child playing in the backyard, making a good play during a game, first black eye, first piano recitals, solos, broken hearts, girlfriends, graduations and decisions that will affect you and and everyone around you for eternity. Sometimes I want so badly to go back and request a do over with the knowledge I have now, but that will never be a possibility and I am thankful for the blessed memories I have of my mom and my boys without knowing at the time what the future would hold for all of us. I would do well to remember that fact when I want so badly to know the outcome of the future.

Mother's Day 2010

Actually mother's day has come and gone. A day that was meant to honor mom truly for some of us brings much anxiety and tension. When a mom and a child are at odds with one another, Mother's day brings hope to the mother that the child will at least call, share some kind words of thanks for loving me, taking care of me, giving me life, standing by me when all others won't, you know that kind of thing that only a mother would think a child might say. I went to lunch with my girlfriends from church today and one of the other moms said she was so relieved that mother's day was over. It brought a week of hoping her son would call, even though she really didn't hold out much hope. Even though she had one child with her that day, she was sad that the other child wasn't there also. Just like my friend I had one of our sons with me, mine was ever thoughtful, the oldest child, and as always had a card for me with hand written words expressing his appreciation for me. It was priceless to me and I was so thankful to have him and his family with me on that day. Like my friend we know we won't get the response from the other child that we so hope for, but because we are mother's we never stop loving them and hoping one day things will be different and we know Monday morning we can put Mother's Day behind us for another year and look ahead to future with hope that next year may be different.

I have been reading a book called Tending Roses. It is about an elderly grandmother that still lives on the homeplace but is getting unable to live alone and her granddaughter and her husband and 4 month old son are staying with her a few weeks before the rest of the family comes to put her in a nursing home. The granddaughter gets to know her sometimes crotchety old grandmother in a way she has never known her before, partly because of her grandmother's diary that she comes upon from time to time. One of the entries in the diary was about the grandmother as a new bride before she had children. She had come into her marriage with nothing, no dowry, extremely poor but her husband understood she needed something to call her own and he gave her the space and time to grow a rose garden even though on a farm there was always work to be done, he provided this respite for her. Her roses were beautiful and she tended them well, but as her children came along she had to leave the garden and let the roses grow wild. When her children were all grown and her husband had passed away she started tending her rose garden once again and once again it was beautiful, but she realized that her life was most fulfilling when she didn't have time to tend the roses and they just grew wild. Young mothers please know that this will be one of the most precious times of your life. Take time out of your day to make their life fun, play with them when they need a playmate, enjoy their neediness of you and your time because there will come a time when the house is silent, and they no longer are needy of your time and you will long for their voice and the sharing of their day with you.

I look back and like any mother have regrets for the way I handled some things, maybe a lot of things, but I also know that with all my heart I tried diligently to bring up my boys in a way that would be pleasing to the Lord. I can honestly say I did the best I knew how to as far as bringing up children. I had too many days when I was stressed over money and bills, but I also had days when I played games with them and we went outside and played baseball or I watched them swim or jump on the trampoline. There were days we rode bikes and walked down the dirt road and walked down to Granny's house to see her garden or just say hell-o or have Sunday dinner at her house. YUMMM! We all still miss those meals! Those were all precious days and like any mother I miss them but I am so blessed to have my son come home on mother's day with his family and I cherish the time I will have with his children knowing how quickly the time will pass and they will be grown up with children of their own. Thank you Lord for the blessing of children and granchildren in our lives.

A Sunday blog

I have not figured out if Sunday is a day where we just naturally feel blue because in our growing up years it was a day just for family and now it seems like it has become something way different. When Monty was gone I just assumed I felt blue because I was here really by myself, but even with him home, it seems like a lonesome day. We had Mac's baby dedication at First Baptist Euless today and it was a special time of being with Beau, Cara, the two boys and Cara's dad and stepmom. Baby dedications bring to mind the desires you have for those small children and the blessed life you pray they will have, but I am reminded today of the child that I dedicated to the Lord in my womb and never, as far as I know, changed my mind about giving him wholly to the Lord. My heart breaks whenever I think of him and the decisions he has made and the life he has chosen and the estrangement of visiting with him as in the past. I know that I do not know the future and I do know that God tells us he is working all things together for good for those that love Him and are called for His purpose. Sometimes it is hard to imagine in our most grandiose visions how He will ever use this for His honor and glory. Sometimes there is just an ache for fellowship with someone that either cannot fellowship with you because of death or by their choice, and on days like today just makes it hard to accept. I know tomorrow is a new day, that I am probably just tired and my God is sovereign and totally in control of my life wherever that may lead me. Holy Spirit, I pray that you empower me right now to have the faith I need to trust you to work this situation together for good.

It has been quite awhile since I sat down to write on my blog. Unbelieveably, I think I may have run out of things to say. : ) I found out last night that someone actually read my blog and it inspired me to write again. Thanks, Jenni. : )

My husband has moved back home, no more working out of town, so that is probably why I have less to say, there is a living breathing human being to talk to and bounce thoughts off. It is good to have him home again even though we are living in an uncertain time and wondering what the future holds. We are trying as never before to step forward in faith that our Lord will do exactly what he said he would do and that is to love us and supply our daily needs.

We had a busy weekend, we babysat for my son's children on Friday night. I guess we were boring because Ian went to bed at 8pm. We enjoyed getting to hear him say his alphabet, which is quite entertaining. Mac is only 9 weeks old and he just slept and ate and slept some more. I can't wait til he is up and running around like Ian. On Saturday we kept Monty's daughter's children. Mallory has been asking to go to Sunday School so we had them sleep over Saturday night and took them to SS on Sunday. They are such sweet little girls and love each other very much. They were both excited to go to church and loved their classes. Emily even remembered what her story was about, but when we picked her up she wanted to know, "Where is my Mallory?" (her big sister). Their dad picked them up after church and we spent the rest of the day with Monty's mom and dad. She is recovering from open heart surgery and is doing very well. I am thankful for the blessings in my life and for my children and grandchildren. Over the course of the weekend I was supposed to see my youngest son and that did not take place. I could never express the love I have for him, as it is hard for any mother to truly express her love for any child she has. He has made choices for his life and I agree, it is his life, but the choices he has made has caused there to be a division in our family. It doesn't diminish our love for him but we miss him and long for the former familiarity, friendship, laughter and love of family we shared with him. I would like him to know that I will always love him, always cherish getting to be his mom, and will always welcome him when he is ready to come home. I know he loves us and misses us also.

Parenting is hard, marriage is hard at times, and life is hard on a daily basis pretty much. I do know that my truth north is my Lord and Saviour and I want to be that one woman, that through the hardships of circumstances that come into my life, can be a blessing to other women and praise my God because of his love and provision that enables me to face these things in life. Lord you are my all in all, through the power of your Holy Spirit, help me be the exceptional woman that captures your truth from your word and applies it to my life to be a blessing to you first, my family second, and others third.

Easter 2010

As Easter came this year my husband and I have been undergoing a transition of sorts and I have been mainly preoccupied with those changes. We asked God at the first of this year to give us abundant life in him as promised in the scriptures but you don't get the abundant life unless you are living and breathing the Savior and His Word. It has been kind of scary to pray for a life that is full of surprises, because I don't like surprises, but coming to this point in my Christian life it has to be all or nothing. I am tired of living in fear of what might happen in my future or my children's futures. I serve a Sovereign God who tells me in His Word that he loves me so much he gave his only child to die on a cross that I might have forgiveness of sin and walk with Him as His child also. So at age 55 either I believe Him or I don't. There is no middle of the road or riding the fence. If we believe lets put our faith into action and action into our faith. I had prayed before the service this morning that He would speak to me in a personal and mighty way as I worshipped Him for what He did on the cross for me and that He rose again on that 3rd day and conquered death for all of us, but as I sat there my heart felt heavy and burdened with all that is going on in my life and with those I love, then someone sang a song about mercy, God's mercy, he is all we have and he is our only hope for the future. That song made me think about all those that are out there that don't believe in Christ, that were brought up to know him and have turned their back on what he did just for them. Can I just say, if you were the only person that needed forgiveness He would still have died and rose again just for you? It is a most personal gift He gave us and through this gift we know Him as our Savior but He also wants to know us intimately in every aspect of our lives. My heart was broken this morning as I thought of those that have turned from Him to pursue the lusts of their heart, using God's love for us as an excuse to be selfish and do what we want, instead of knowing what he did, understanding what He did for us, and wanting to give our lives back to Him through serving Him, worshipping him and honoring Him with the life He gave us. Heavenly Father, I do pray for mercy, mercy and more mercy for that person that has turned away from you to live unto themselves instead of unto you. May you give them sight that they may see the truth this special day when we celebrate your Son's resurrection and victory over death. I praise you heavenly Father.

Physical Work is GOOD for you!

The last two days I have spent outside as much as possible. Yesterday I trimmed the two trees by the front door. They were just getting too big and bushy and I really cut them way, way back not merely trimmed them. I cleaned out one of the storage buildings, moved some stuff out of the laundry room so that I can make up my mind how I want to fix it up. Our treadmill or rather our tread climber is on the back patio and hopefully I will use it there more than I did in the laundry room. : ) At least there is stuff to look at out there. Today, I mowed the front and back lawn, weed-eated both, raked some leaves, pulled some weeds, planted some flowers in the big pots on the front porch and went to eat with a girlfriend. I am really tired, about to retire early tonight but just felt the need to say I am thankful for all I have. The ability to move and work in the yard, my health, our home, the beautiful weather and my healthy family. As I pray for a little boy named Hayden with neuroblastoma as he is undergoing a very painful treatment, I am reminded that as bad as things get, when we ourselves are healthy and those we love the most are healthy we are blessed beyond measure. May I always be mindful of this.

Home again, Home again!

I had not been to see my sister in Midland since January of 2009 so I decided I had better get going and do some things that I want to do in case I do get called back to work. Sure enough I did on the way home from her house. I left on Tuesday and got back home today. When I left it seemed like I would be gone a long time but it went so quickly. I am not much of a shopper unless I am with my sister. She just knows the places to go and I always find lots of stuff I want when I am with her. We had a great time shopping, we were going to try out some new recipes but never got the chance to do that. Time really flew. I got to see my niece, her husband and daughter, Kiersten. Kiersten is learning to shop early, she went with us one day and really seemed to enjoy it. She is 14 months old and a precious little cutie with little blonde curls and when she smiles she wrinkles up her nose so cute! I also got to see my nephew Brian, his wife and their two boys, Weston and Evan. They are all boy and full of life, energy and don't know any volume level but LOUD! They are too cute also. I went to their house to see their pirate ship in their backyard and they had a big time showing me all their guns and toys. My brother in law brought us donuts from Johnnie's Thursday and Friday, yummmmm! They are really good and I appreciated him doing that for us.

We used to see each other all the time when I lived in Snyder. My mother and me and my boys would go to Martha's house a lot. I told her it was so eerie to be there this time without Mother and I could still see the boys, tiptoeing into the guest room to go upstairs to the playroom, trying not to wake me up. Such precious memories and such fun times. As we live our lives we need to make sure most of the memories we make are good ones because they never go away, not the ones that matter. What a precious gift the Lord gives us to be able to remember our babies, our parents, our families in a way that cameras can never capture.

Thanks Martha for a great week, I enjoyed it immensely! Come see me soon! Love you.

An Afternoon at the Park

Since I had a reprieve from working at an hourly job, I got up, ran some errands, took care of some business and went to see my grandsons. I stopped and picked up pizza because that is one food that is on Ian's list of acceptable foods these days. He was happy to see me, and did eat very well. Mac slept the whole time I was there and I never even held him, but he is growing like a weed. Such a cutie. Amazingly they do not look anything alike at this time. Time will tell. After lunch we made a trip to the park. It was a great park and I guess we went early enough that the older kids weren't out of school yet and there were just two little girls on the equipment for a few minutes. Ian was a little hesitant at first but by the time we left he had it all down and he just had the best time. So did Grammy by the way, because when that little boy is happy, so am I. His mom is a great photographer and she got the afternoon in pictures. He seemed to like it all. We forgot to take bread to feed the ducks but we will next time. The weather was a little cloudy and we thought a little cool but once we started playing it was perfect. No wind and a great temperature to climb up and down on playground equipment. I read something yesterday that prompted me to remember not to waste precious time here on this earth doing the things that don't really matter. I am so glad I spent the day outdoors with Ian, Cara and Mac instead of couped up in an office, watching the clock, or at home cleaning house. I had such a blessed day with that little one. Thank you Lord for the opportunity to spend time with my loved ones. Thank you that I have loved ones. What a great day!

It's Already Over

Well my career was short lived. I worked four days and was replaced. I had prayed for the last two months regarding our finances and have felt guilty that I am not contributing to them so I prayed and told the Lord if I need to go to work you will have to drop a job in my lap because so many my age are looking for work and can't find anything. I am willing to do whatever you want me to do. I know you can provide for us, but if you want me to work, please give me a job. He did. I couldn't imagine why he wanted me to go to work. I enjoy doing things like teaching Sunday School and facilitating bible studies, ladies ministry and keeping the grandkids, so I was shocked when he gave me a job. A friend of mine said, "Maybe he is just seeing if you will be obedient to what you prayed. Abraham didn't sit around and think about what God told him to do with Isaac. He got up the next morning and went to sacrifice, no questions asked." Well, I did go to that job, I tried to go with the idea that God had given it to me and it was a blessing and that I needed to thank him and praise Him for it. I had the opportunity to memorize 5 verses of scripture while I was there and just took it day by day. Tuesday afternoon another lady that wanted to work more hours and was willing to try to obtain her insurance license came in the office and they opted to see if she would work out as a fit for their office. I knew I had done a good job, had done what God wanted and feel relieved to be back at home presently. I told my pastor this morning, I was trying to be obedient like Abraham was with Isaac, I worked 4 days and then another sacrifice was found and I was released. : ) Praise the Lord, I am trusting you to lead me where you see fit. I know you will be with me wherever I go.

Monday

When you are working, Monday conjurs up a whole new meaning than it does when you are not working outside the home. No more staying up late, leisurely waking up, it is waking up to an alarm, which I hate, and then immediately getting dressed and putting on makeup, carrying out the trash, because Monday is trash day, fixing a lunch and then a 30 min drive to collect thoughts, listen to praise and worship music to start the day. Thank you Lord for this opportunity, help me make the most of it. In my devotion book today there was a verse in Psalm 37: 23-24 that said, If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand. Lord, I am trusting you today to uphold me with your righteous hand. I know I am safer with you than anywhere that makes more sense to me, so please be with me today. You know my heart's desire is to know you more and trust you more everyday.

Be Careful what you Pray for

For the last few months I have been praying about our finances and Monty working out of town. I seem to have a lot of time on my hands so I have felt guilty about not working but in this recession I have talked to several women around my age that are looking for work and can find nothing, so I haven't been seriously looking but I have prayed over the last few months that if the Lord wanted me to go back to work, I would, even though I dearly love being at home. I also told him he would have to open a door and drop the job on me because I had no clue where to begin looking and lo and behold someone called me out of the clear blue to offer me a part time job. I have just been dumbfounded all day. I really thought the Lord was going to open a door for a special ministry just for me, but instead he has opened the door for a part time job. (I do realize we minister wherever we are, this just seems bizarre to me at present). It is the kind of job I would want if I was going to work, meeting the public, taking payments, answering the phone, easy stuff that you don't have to take home with you, and it also happens to be (I was told by the boss) that the office is filled with dedicated christians that pray together. Well, I guess you couldn't ask for more than that. I am thankful that he hears us and answers our prayers and we should never be surprised because he doesn't think the way we do, so His options for our lives are usually different than what we would choose. Hopefully though this has something to do with bringing my husband back to the metroplex to work. God is good all the time, all the time God is good. Thank you for blessing me Heavenly Father.

My Birthday! The double nickel

Wow! What a wonderful birthday. It has been packed full of birthday wishes from friends and family. I had Bible study this morning, they all sang "Happy Birthday" to me and gave me a card. Seven of us went to lunch and one of the ladies prayed for the food and God's blessing on me, on my birthday, and my life, what a blessing that was. One of my precious friends, Doris, bought my lunch and the other ladies night out friend, Jeanie, wanted to buy me dessert but we decided to wait for another time because I was so full from lunch. My friend Vicki brought me a sign that says "Life is God's novel, Let Him write it". Is that an awesome saying or what? I love it! I received many cards in the mail, a precious card from my husband that made me cry, thank you sweetheart for the card, it blessed my heart plus a shopping spree at Dillard's. Both of my precious boys wished me a special day. I am so thankful for the outpouring of love I have been shown today. Thank you Lord for showing me your love through the precious Christian friends and family you have blessed me with. Thank you also for my life, my health and your hand on my life. My prayer is that I can bring you honor and glory with the rest of my life however long or short that may be. What a blessed day.

Introducing our newest addition - Mac Andrew McLeod

On February 10, 2010 we all welcomed our newest addition to our family, little Mac Andrew McLeod. A precious baby boy weighing 8 lbs, 11 oz. He was actually about the same size and length as his big brother, but he seems so tiny. I am sure that is because we are used to looking at Ian. The Lord blessed us with an uncomplicated delivery even though it was a c-section, all went according to plan, baby and mom are doing well.

I look at these grandchildren and we can't possibly know what is in store for them as older children and adults, but we still hope for them that their lives will be full of joy and peace, that they will be fulfilled and their lives will be easy and life will be fun for them. I guess that is human nature to wish that for ourselves and for each child that has a place in our hearts, but it is rarely the case. The trials are what make us strong, we become who we are in the way we react to the chaos called life that surrounds us on a daily basis. I would like to be the grandmother that could stand back and entrust the Lord to bring to their lives whatever it takes to draw them ever closer to him and into a supernatural relationship with our Lord and Saviour, but I as much as I would love to do that, I am sure I will fret over the hardships and disappointments that come into their lives. My human side prays for the ease of their lives, for the joy of life and the absence of pain that makes them hurt. Today Lord, I pray for your protection on their lives, your guidance as they enter situations that are hurtful and wisdom as they grow, that not only will they grow physically strong, but strong in spiritual understanding and that their parents will possess the wisdom to lead them into these spiritual truths.

Thank you Lord for the addition of children to this family, that gives us hope for a generation to be raised up for you, and to love and serve you in a mighty way, because you are the only thing in life worth striving for. I give you all praise and honor for these blessings in our lives.

Us Four, No More

I went to see my son and his little family last night. It was the last time we would be together just the four of us before the new addition to the family comes on the scene tomorrow. Of course we are thrilled about the new baby but there is a sadness that never again will the four of us be together like we were last night, where Ian is the only grandbaby. That sounds silly I guess but as I am writing this tears are flowing down my cheeks. He still seems so little and I know because I have two children, that just because you have a second child (or 5 more children) that you never love the first one any less. I think it is just realizing that everything is changing once again. Of course change is the only constant. Ian has helped my heart thaw out from past hurts and disappointments but he is a blessing as only grandparents can know blessings from grandchildren, and the love you have for them is a completely different love than you have for your children. Somehow though, the love I have for him is inexplicably tied to the love I have for his parents. I have a closeness with my son that is rare for most mothers, and I know it is a great blessing and I am thankful for him. I am also blessed that I have a great and wonderful daughter-in-law that has always blended into our family as if she was there from the beginning. I know there are times that she thinks we are weird and she gets tired of hearing our old stories, but she lets us reminisce and doesn't rock our boat about it. She is very private and we are anything but that. I can't imagine how Mac will impact our lives, I know he will be a blessing too, but I want Ian to know when he gets older that he was a blessing to his Grammy at this particular time in my life and I love him with all my heart. Right now he is still too young to understand that, but I hope someday he will know how much I adored him.

Dear John

With the arrival of Ian's baby brother on Wednesday, I had to move my Bible Study group to Tuesday morning, and since I haven't seen the completed nursery yet, I am going to my son's home on Monday evening to check everything out (and maybe watch the batchelor with them), our regular girl's movie and a dinner night was moved to Sunday evening instead. We went to see Dear John and it was really good. The ending was almost exactly like the book but much better at the very end. We all loved it, then went to The Rail Head Restaurant in Willow Park to eat and talk. They closed at 9pm so we didn't stay as late as we usually do. It was a wonderful time of fellowship and sharing just like always and I always come away from that time of fun feeling so much better and more lighthearted. Thank you girls for being my friends.

I said in my last blog I had a bad day on Thursday, I did recover but pondered a lot of things over the last few days. I prayed and told the Lord I was sorry for my attitude on Thursday, I know he always knows my heart better than I do so I can't lie to him about my feelings. I am extremely analytical and always see things in black and white, so when it comes to spiritual matters although I know the jargon and the theology I still become frustrated when I know how I want to live and then I see how I really do live. I become extremely discouraged and down on myself. Wait a minute! He created me and knows I am made from dust and you know what He did for me this morning? The pastor preached a sermon just for me, that basically said, we are all imperfect people, here on this earth we will never achieve perfection and sinlessness, but we serve a perfect Lord and Saviour and therein lies our hope. So for today I have been a little less hard on myself and my imperfections. I have been able to rest in my God's goodness and blessing. Praise the Lord for his provision to speak to us personally in a corporate worship service. Thank you Heavenly Father! May you bring those words back to me when I need them the most this week.

Life is Exciting!

Do you ever have one of those days when you wake up and try to start the day off right, but it just goes downhill from the minute you wake up til sometime later in the day? I woke up in the wrong state of mind and it stayed with me most of the day. I talked to myself, started to call my oldest son and talk to him but thought no, that would just make his day bad so when he called me a little later in the day, I warned him, "you may not want to talk to me right now." He asked me why and I told him I thought I was certifiably crazy and he said, "I already knew that, what else is going on?" He is such a blessing! (We did have a great talk and I love him dearly).

It is Friday night and I am home alone AGAIN! No wonder I am going nuts! Even though I am wonderful company, (according to my dog), too much of anything gets old pretty quick. : ) My husband is hard at work but the weekends get long when he doesn't get to come home. I kept the girls Thursday night and my in-laws were here for the stock show so they got to visit with Mallory and Emily for a few hours. Of course I had two boys and getting to bed on a school night didn't seem as hard back then as it does now with these two girls, not sure what is up with all the drama and getting ready for bed except that it is girls instead of boys, then the mad rush of the morning and getting them to school and the babysitter's house is just insane rushing around. I guess if you did it all the time you would have a routine that you would get used to and it wouldn't seem so hard. Anyway, it was nice to have some other adults around last night and this morning to get it all done. Young mothers that get the job done properly and in order I salute you! My in-laws are back home in Comanche County, I thought they were staying until tomorrow but they left today so I was unprepared for this long Friday night.

I did find the new Nicholas Sparks book, "The Last Song". I started reading it about 5 and at 7:30 I was about half way through it. It is good but fairly predictable so far. I like to read the book before the movie comes out, but it seems that doesn't really mean much in today's world because they mess with the storyline and the ending so much sometimes it is hard to recognize the movie is about the book I read. : ) Oh well, and that is life as I see it today!

We seem to have lost the sun!

Time is flying! Here it is February 1st. We have not seen the sun here in a week. Very dreary weather. I guess it must be a hormonal thing because as women age they tend to need a lot of sunshine in their world. Every woman I know is wanting to see the sun. I have noticed though coming from a West Texas town that this area of Texas in particular, and I am not sure why, tends to be cloudy A LOT! I am going to research that as soon as I get off this blog and see how many days of actual sunshine we have had compared to other towns in Texas. It gets very depressing. I do not understand how anyone lives in Alaska where it gets dark and stays dark for months or in Seattle where it rains all the time! Yuck!!!!! I just couldn't do it. I am thinking I am not sure how much longer I can live here either. As Christians I know we are not to complain about the weather, so I am sorry, I guess this would be considered complaining but I really do love the sunshine and warm weather. When it does finally get warm and I hear some goofball say, "I am so ready for winter", I think I will have to slap them. Please let us see the sun soon, but not tomorrow morning on groundhog's day. We don't want him to see his shadow although I think we all know there WILL be 6 more weeks of winter whether he does see his shadow or not!

Monty started trying to get home on Thursday, no way, the weather was bad as usual, tried on Friday, no way, the weather was still bad but it looked promising on Saturday. They flew out of El Paso Saturday morning, got to Abilene, had to land there, it was too cloudy to come on in to Weatherford. They finally made it about 3pm Saturday afternoon. We went out to eat with some friends of ours, skipped Sunday School this morning but went to the late service at church, came home, cooked chicken and dumplings and have done not much else this afternoon. It is nice having someone else in the house with me. He will be heading back to work and El Paso tomorrow morning. I am praying for the faith to know the Lord will take care of us, this is harder than I thought it could be. I know we are blessed just to have work, but I am wondering will life ever be back to normal? I prayed for an abundant life with Christ for 2010 so I am probably needing to buckle my seatbelt, I may be in for the ride of my life.

Monday Blahs

If we go to the movies as a group, we usually go on Monday afternoons so we are off to the movies today. We are going to see Extraordinary Measures. I am not really excited to see this, sounds kind of sad and depressing but I hope it has a happy ending. After the movies we will go eat together and that is always fun. Beats sitting at home alone, although this is the one night I could watch TV because The Batchelor is on. Oh well, I am sure I can catch up next week.

We have decided (some of the girls & I) that we will go to Stay Fit tomorrow and get a free week membership and see if we think we will like it. I think I will and I desperately need to get out and get some exercise. In the summer I do yard work and swim, but I am truly stagnating sitting here reading, quilting and I am ashamed to say, watching nothing good on TV at night most of the time.

Monty is supposed to come in on Thursday, of course the weather is supposed to turn bad again. How weird is that? Everytime he starts to come home the weather gets bad. He will probably come in on a commercial flight so maybe weather won't be a problem.

Monday blues today. I have tried to be busy, cleaning some, washing some clothes, doing Bible study, but I still have the blahs. Need to shake it off and get going. Maybe exercise tomorrow will help.

Last Week

Last week we started the week with pre op appointments for Ian. Tuesday the day started at 3:30am it was surgery day. The waiting for the surgery to be over was excruciating but seeing how traumatized Ian was afterwards was extremely hard to take. Once the IV and drain tube was taken out he was much better, then the swelling started. One eye completely swelled shut, his ears swelled away from his head, there was swelling in his neck and forehead and face. He was not even recognizable as Ian, but Praise the Lord today the swelling is down already and he is feeling fine. This grandmother is so very thankful for God's perfect timing in all of this and his hand in making all the wheels turn just right. We are thankful for good doctors and for insurance and it makes us wonder if Ian would even have been allowed to have the surgery should the Health Care reform insurance already been in effect. The dermoid cysts were not life threatening but if the one in his skull wallowed through the bone and into the brain it would have mushroomed causing seizures and ultimately brain surgery, which would have been a completely different and more serious surgery, but the thing is you never know if they will stay in the skull for years or if they will grow and move through the brain. In a few short weeks from the time he had the MRI done on the head, his cyst had already worn through the bone and was resting on the membrane of the brain. Thank goodness, he had the surgery as soon and as quickly as he did. God is sovereign, loves us, and works all things together for good for those that love him and are called according to his purpose. Thank you Heavenly father for your love, grace, mercy and kindness that you shower on us all the time.