10 years since 9/11

I happened to be reading yahoo news on the computer a couple of days ago and the woman that had a supposedly famous picture of her covered in dust on 9/11 was talking about her life since that fateful day. She had not had a good 10 years to put it mildly and I think she was saying she ended up with these problems because of 9/11. Admittedly I was not there and could not bring myself to watch all the coverage of that horrific day in history. I am sure Pearl Harbor must do the same thing for the people alive during that era. We all remember exactly where we were the day we heard the news of the twin towers crashing down. Those moments tend to sear into our brains. It was a terrifying and sad day for our country and will never be forgotten by any of us that were alive during that day.

The dust lady's story made me think about my life and the last ten years. Wow! I have not had a wonderful time the last ten years either but I don't think the blame can be because of the terror of 9/11. My youngest son's 18th birthday was on September 13th. I remember his anger toward the terrorists which was so uncharacteristic for him, or so I thought. I have pictures of that birthday and he had a sadness in his eyes that bothers me to this day. 9/11 changed the world for that generation. They had not faced anything like this attack and it took away the "privilege" of safety in our homeland we have always felt was ours and an innocence those children would never again possess.

Many things have happened in my family since that terrible day. Some good, but a lot of bad it seems. Since September 11, 2001 I have learned that my son made a lifestyle choice that rocked my world to its core. Shortly after that bit of news, I learned that my husband was having an affair and in a few short months a divorce ensued and I was on my own. My heart was broken twice in just a few short months and I still am amazed that I made it through it with my mind in tact, but that is probably what is wrong with me now. : ) I had a good job, a great church, my mom lived down the road from us but after a year I felt that in order to survive I was going to have to move somewhere to "start over". I moved to the metroplex where my oldest son and his wife lived, got a new job working lots and lots of hours, found an apartment and tried to start a new life. I met a wonderful man, we eventually got married in 2003, and then I found out my mother had ovarian cancer and had known she was sick before I had moved away. More heartach and guilt over things I wished I had done differently, but eventually after my mother passed away, I had to stop running from all the stuff I had stuffed deep down inside and had to start dealing with the pain. It didn't seem to be budging. Death, divorce, moving, changing jobs and dealing with the stress of my son's lifestyle decision did not make for a great ten years!

I knew the answers to my guilt, bitterness and anger could be answered through the Lord but for several years I had felt that He had turned his back on me. I know now and truly I knew then that was not possible but it was how I felt. It was a long period of searching for truth and finding the answers I needed in God's word. It was not easy and there are still a few days when the past comes back to haunt me, but I know that I cannot dwell on the past. God gives me a hope and a future in Him. I am not in control He is and being able to understand and know that great truth is a huge blessing. I also was blessed with grandchildren. My son's oldest child, Ian, now three years old being the love of my life. I am so blessed to have a precious family with little ones, five in all at the moment, another due in February, to love and nurture. I have been able to quit work and stay at home in the past ten years, something I have always wanted to do. I have been blessed to have a wonderful church to attend where I have made many wonderful friends and have had the privilege of teaching our Sunday School class. It amazes me every time I teach the Lord speaks through me and trusts me to deliver His word to our class. Bible study has been the mainstay for me finding my way back to my faith and I have the honor of facilitating a Bible study class for ladies on Wednesday mornings. The Lord has blessed us with work and we can see Him working daily in our children's lives. There is no greater blessing than that.

So yes, in the past ten years there has been bad, but there has been blessing to counter all the bad. We serve a living, loving and holy God that leads us and guides our lives and what could be a better blessing than that?

What Would You Do?

I worked for a lady once whose husband retired while she was still working. He made a rule for her upon his retirement and it was that when they had breakfast in the morning before she left for work she could not ask him what he was going to do that day. I thought that was so dumb until I was the one getting to stay home and my husband went to work. Now I totally understand why he said what he did.
When Monty leaves for work he sometimes asks me, “What are you doing today?” Most days I am not sure what to say and feel guilty for not giving a good busy day answer. Truth be told my days are busy but not always with anything that matters a whole lot. Have you ever read the book, “The Cat in the Hat” to your children or grandchildren? Do you remember the part where the cat says “It is fun to have fun but you have to know how. I can hold up the cup and the milk and the cake! I can hold up these books and the fish on a rake! I can hold the toy ship and a little toy man! And look! With my tail I can hold a red fan! I can fan with the fan as I hop on the ball! But that is not all. Oh no! That is not all! That is what the cat said… Then he fell on his head! He came down with a bump from up there on the ball. And Sally and I, We saw ALL the things fall!”
Well, sometimes that is how my day goes.
I make up the bed putting pillows away, open the blinds and begin a new day.
Read my bible, say prayers then fix my makeup and curl up my hair.
Turn off the alarm and turn up the ac, open the door, let the dog out to pee.
I let him back in, give him treats if he’s good, then turn on the computer to check the news like I should.
After news, then there’s facebook and oh my “You don’t say”! Who’s ahead on Bejeweled? I really must play!
I’m hungry by now, fix something that’s healthy, that takes way too long, maybe fast food I’m feeling wealthy.
By now the pool’s calling and so is my book. Should I backwash today or lay here and cook?
A nice brown tan, guess I should go in, and see if I need to wash up a pan.
The sink is all clean but the tubs and the toilets! They really need cleaning but first check the closets
for clothes that need washing and drying, that’s easy! Come on girl get going! Quit sighing!
The lawn it needs mowing and then the weed-eating, the flowers and trees they also need tending, the tasks I see outside are never ending and require so much bending!
I really must rest in the house where its cool, not working outside like a silly old fool.
Oh dear, time for dinner, “Did I cook, are you kidding?” Oh my, my, No, No, No, we need to get thinner!
Decisions, decisions all the day long so when Monty gets home and he says to me, “Dear, did you have any fun? I can’t wait to hear. Tell me, Tell me what did you do?
And Elmo and I don’t know what to say, should we tell him the things that we worked on that day?
Should we tell him about it, Now, what should we do? Well…. What would you do if your husband asked you?

Downpour

I can't believe how long it has been since I posted on my blog. I have missed it but somehow there hasn't been a need to write anything lately. I am glad I am not trying to make a living by being a writer since I have had writer's block since the first of the year.

It is almost the end of summer now and it has just flown by this year. The kids are starting school next year and it is time to do the last sleepover with grandchildren before school starts this week. We took our granddaughters to Midland this past week to ride ponies and feed all the barnyard animals, along with swimming and their first target practice. On the way home the skies opened up and we experienced a huge downpour of rain that was much needed, so much so that we had to pull over for a few minutes, it was raining so hard we could barely see. What a wonderful blessing and demonstration of the goodness of the Lord. This week it is Ian's turn to spend the night at Grammy and Papaw's and get to swim before he starts school next week. It has been the hottest summer I can remember. I love hot weather but it has been too hot for me this year. My yard has suffered from the heat and lack of rain and I am just not willing to be out in the heat just yet. Praise the Lord that He has blessed us with rain this past weekend in all parts of our great state of Texas and I feel sure it was because we prayed as a people to our Lord for rain and forgiveness that he poured out His blessing on us.

I have facilitated a bible study at our church for several years now, but wasn't sure if I would lead a study this fall or not. Having been through several years of trial, suddenly, although it wasn't over, I had come to a place where I put it in God's hands and even though I was thankful for the peace that came, a dry season seemed to follow it. I think sometimes the Lord provides this rest because we simply couldn't continue in the intensity of the trial or storm for too long a period of time or we would simply not be able to hold up to the stress. In that season of rest I think I have become a little complacent regarding my relationship with my Savior and am ready for the downpour of His Spirit once again in my mind and my life. I was praying about this bible study when the study called "Downpour: He Will Come To Us Like The Rain" came to mind and I could totally relate to the topic both physically and spiritually. I am so looking forward to the things God will do in my life through this study. Just like He opened the Heavens with rain on our parched land, He will be faithful to pour out His spirit on our parched souls if we humble ourselves and make His Spirit welcome in our lives.

I am ususally sad when summer starts winding down but am looking forward to the cooler temperatures this year and all the things the Lord will be doing in our lives the rest of the year! God is good all the time, all the time God is good.

Some New Buddies

I am home this week, I spent last week and half of the week before at my sister and brother-in-law's property outside of Midland, close to Greenwood and thoroughly enjoyed myself. There is just something about West Texas, that is so special and no, it is not the wind. In our 5th wheel the head of the bed is up against a window which has mini blinds that clang every time you turn over in bed so we have raised the blind allowing the moon and the sun to shine straight in the window and we are people who like to sleep in total darkness. However, the moon and the stars outside of town are absolutely beautiful and since there is no cable TV or internet (except painstakingly slow) after a movie or reading we are usually in bed by 10pm. Going to bed this early means rising early due to the rising sun and plenty of sleep since we go to bed so early. If you have ever lived in this area of Texas you know what I am about to say is so true, before the wind starts blowing you could never experience a more beautiful climate. The sky is so clear and so blue. There is no humidity and being outside the city there is no noise and just a wonderfully peaceful atmosphere.

They have a lane that I walk up and down every morning for about 30 minutes enjoying the scenery and I have made some new friends while I was there. The neighbors have a menagerie of animals, mostly cows, one longhorn, 1 alpaca and 1 billy goat. One day the billy goat escaped the neighbor's fence and headed to my brother in law's and he told us to shut the gate to keep the goat in until the neighbor picked him up. This caused much distress for the alpaca and the goat because obviously they were close buddies. When I walked the next morning, the alpaca was standing by the goat separated by a fence and my brother-in-law's horse, Kit, was standing across the lane staring at the goat and the alpaca.

I could just imagine their conversation as they appeared to be trying to figure out how to get the goat back where he belonged so they could all get on with their business. It was extremely comical and fun to observe animals I don't get an opportunity to see everyday.

I'm In Love!

Well, do you blame me? I mean look at these boys, they are so precious to me. Their mommy is very gracious to let me steal some pictures from her blog and post them to mine. Every time I see this picture my heart just kind of feels like someone is squeezing it. They are growing so fast and I love them so much. Thank you Lord for these special blessings!

Ian's First Out of Town Overnighter

Grammy and Papaw have entered the world of 5th wheels. Papaw will be building a house in Midland over the next few months so my sister and brother in law have graciously allowed us to park our 5th wheel trailer at their land and beside the barn that Monty built a few years ago. It is way cooler than an RV park and has lots of stuff for a little guy to do so when Papaw had to go to Midland this week, I decided that I would see if Ian's mommy & daddy would let him ride to Midland with Grammy and spend the night. They told me it would be fine so after Ian's speech class Friday morning, I met Beau at Ridgmar Mall and picked up the boy and we headed to Midland. Our first stop was Pizza Inn at Abilene where we met up with Uncle Cole and had some pizza, then we were back on the road to see Papaw. Ian looked at books, counted on his fingers, pulled off his shoes and socks and we listened to "I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas" about 25 times. He never fussed about the long ride and was as good as could be.

We finally got to the barn, outside of Stanton, and we turned the little guy lose to run wild for awhile.




He played on the tractor first and of course I didn't have my camera handy, we walked back up to the barn opened the doors to the barn and found the roller coaster which provided tons of fun. We went back to the trailer and cut up an apple for Kit, the horse, and Ian wasn't the least bit afraid of him. He was so gentle with Ian and was very careful to take the apple from him with just his lips, no teeth, thank goodness. Cousins arrived along with my sister and her daughter Jenni. Then it was time to go for a ride on the wagon and then stomp a few gopher holes and build a sand castle with the dirt. Boys just love dirt and notice how clean Kiersten stayed.

It was time to go in and get a bath and eat supper and get in bed and we were a little worried about Ian sleeping so we thought we would let him lay in bed and watch a video. Since he had run so much and only slept about an hour while we were driving we thought he would fall asleep quickly. We were going to let him watch until he fell asleep but he kept commenting on the video saying, "Oh no! Grammy! Oh no!" We decided we would turn it off and 3 nightmares later at 1:20am we all finally slept.

Saturday we went in to Midland to eat at Taco Villa (yumm!) let Ian play at Martha's house then headed to Weatherford again. He was worn completely out but when we got home we had one more surprise for him. My friend's grandchildren had outgrown their battery operated truck and she graciously passed it down to my grandchildren. Ian had his first driving lesson and loved his truck! He is such a little blessing to us, we had a blast and I am pretty sure he did also. I am so thankful for the opportunity we had to spend one of our first 5th wheel trips with this precious boy.

Is Anyone Normal????

Some of the ladies from our quilting group at church made a trip to Frances' Fabric Shop in downtown Graham last Tuesday. We sold cookbooks as a fund raiser and of course we had money in our account and it was burning a hole in our pocket. (Just kidding) Anyway we decided to go to the fabric store and buy material to make more prayer quilts for the people that need one and this is a great time to buy during the clearance sale. If you haven't been to Frances' store you need to make the trip to Graham, it is well worth it. There is also a little gift shop there called "The Vineyard" and we always have to stop there also. I always find something I can't live without and of course Tuesday was no exception. As we were looking around I found a coffee mug that I felt instant repoire with so to speak and I knew the girlfriend that was there with me would feel the same. I got it off the shelf to show to her and although we laughed it brought tears to her eyes just the same because it rings so true with the both of us.

We laughed at the saying on the cup but at the top of the cup around the rim it says, "This above all to thine own self be true." Even though it seemed funny to us, it applied so well that I had to buy us both one. When I brought it home I showed it to my husband and he said, "We all feel that way 99% of the time." I was really surprised he felt that way, then I showed it to my oldest son and he said, "Boy is that the truth."

After I thought about it for a few days I came to the conclusion that there probably really isn't a norm for all of us. There is what we term normal behavior and bizarre behavior but God never really made us to be cookie cutters of each other. Look at all the different kinds of flowers, grasses, trees, fish, animals, colors, landscapes and the list could go on and on, that he created. Each of us has our own special DNA, none of us were created the same. We were created in his image to be like Him, not like one another, so what we consider to be normal exhausts us in trying to maintain. With that being said, I think I will learn to relax more about what feels normal to me and thank God that we weren't all made exactly the same but we can have the assurance that he loves us all the same.

But isn't this just the coolest mug? : )

In-laws

Many couples have today what is called blended families, therefore you have a lot of in-laws, especially if you remain friends with the old ones, which is a rarity I'll admit. My first set of in-laws came to my second wedding and we stayed in touch for many years but don't really visit any longer. I was married to their son for 21 years so it was hard to break those ties with them. I remarried, his dad had passed away before I knew any of them and I inherited 1 mother-in- law and 4 sisters-in-law, don't stay in touch with any of them. I now have a new set of in-laws ( I have had them about 8 yrs now) and have 2 new brothers-in law and 1 sister-in-law. None of us are very close. I think it had to do with the age we all were when Monty and I married, or maybe we just don't have anything in common and we are all too old to want to work at getting to know one another any better.

Anyway, when you re-marry you inherit kids and your kids inherit step parents. This was never God's plan and probably why it doesn't work out too well for most of us. Ours were all grown when we married, and we never realized how hard it would be to handle problems as they came and come up with our children/step-children. The problems ebb and flow of course, as someone told me once, a storm never lasts forever, but sometimes it seems like they are neverending.

(This was Jesus' birthday party)

I do have a real bright spot though that I would like to mention in this blog. I have two sons and I have one daughter-in-law. She is probably the only one I will ever have. She and my son have been married for 12 years and she still doesn't get us. I think we all drive her crazy. We all (me and my boys) tend to say or talk about whatever we are thinking about and she happens to be a very private individual. We have never worn her down and I don't think are likely to at this stage of the game. My daughter in law has step parents and of course my son has step parents. The statistics are not in their favor for them to stay together. Hopefully in this case they will prove the statistics wrong. They both love the Lord and are teaching their boys about Him, bringing them up in a Christian home so they are headed in the right direction. She has been the one that inspired me to start a blog, because I love reading hers. If she doesn't share all her thoughts out loud she shares some very beautiful ones on her blog. She and my son are polar opposites (except they both have red hair) but as she has become the mother of my grandchildren, I can relate to her more than I have been able to in the past and want her to know that I appreciate all her help in the blogging world (she showed me how to add pictures along with my blogs instead of beside them) and in copying pictures and adding wallpaper. I appreciate her hard work in rearing our grandsons. I remember how exhausting it can be and how hard it seems sometimes. Parenting is such hard work and I applaud them both but I especially want her to know how much I appreciate her taking the time to teach her boys about Jesus and his birth and what Christmas is all about. I know marriage is hard at the stage of life they are in right now, especially with the added stress of having a child that needs extra attention and all that encompasses, but she seems to take it all in stride. She takes beautiful photographs and documents the boys lives and the little things they do that I don't get to see and shares it all with those of us that aren't with them all the time. I loved helping her decorate her tree at Christmas and love the photos she took of my house (hers are so much better than mine). I applaud her talent and just want her to know I love and appreciate her. So glad you are my daughter-in-law!

New Year, New Post

I have really been amazed at how long it has been since I blogged. I have missed it. This is therapeutic for me. I am alone in the house today. Don't get me wrong, if you have read my blog in the past you know I do enjoy the company of my husband and after many days of being alone, I get really tired of the monotony, BUT, I haven't been alone in a very long time and I must admit it is nice to just be alone with my thoughts and have the time to reflect on this past year.

Many changes have occurred in my life or maybe my attitude toward life. Everything did not turn out the way I would have planned it for my children or grandchildren but I have come to a peace in my soul that there is a God that has his hand all over my life and He knows what is best for me. I have learned in 2010 there are some things you must relinquish, they are not battles for you to fight they are the Lord's.

I am ever thankful for all the good things in my life and the Lord has been especially gracious this year. He has provided work and everything we have needed plus some things we just wanted. I am thankful for health and we have rediscovered the truth that if you are healthy you are blessed beyond measure. I am especially thankful for a healthy mind AND a healthy body and the abilities to take care of myself. I am so thankful for a warm, safe and pleasant place to live. I am thankful for family, precious grandchildren and for friendship. Of course the list could go on and on and on. I hope in 2011 when I have a tendency to grumble about this or that, that I will remember how wrong that attitude is and that I will change it immediately. Life is too short to be gripy and I pray I remember that also.

The Lord has been good to us in 2010, not just because we had a good year, because God is good all the time, no matter what. Happy New Year to you. I pray you have a blessed 2011.