New Year's Eve

Here it is New Year's Eve 2012.  I haven't written in my blog but one time since September of 2011 and I didn't publish that one.  Too private.  I have said before that when I am overcome with my thoughts and I can't get past the consuming emotion I find that I usually have to write it down to get over it and go on with life.  So here I am on New Year's Eve writing on my blog.  Exciting huh?  But, you know what?  There is nothing else I would rather be doing.  

I so enjoyed the holidays this year.  I had all my family here on Thanksgiving and actually was able to put together a pretty decent meal for all 31 of them even if I do say so myself.  I kept my calm and carried on when I got frazzled and we all had a good time being together.  This was the first Thanksgiving since Monty and I married that both of his kids and their families and both my kids and their families were altogether and it went very well.  My sister and all her family were here, her son and his family didn't make it until Friday, but for the most part they were all here.  My cousin, both his children and their children were here along with one other cousin.  My 92 year old uncle, the last surviving sibling in my dad's family, that was able to make the trip from Arkansas along with his wife and we were so glad to be able to share the holiday with them also.  

After Thanksgiving came the decorating, parties and gift buying for Christmas.  I enjoyed it all and then abruptly as it started it was over.  Here we are starting a New Year already which blows my mind.  

This past year I would have to say the focus in my life has been all about learning more and more about my Heavenly Father.  I have wondered more than once this past year why it took me so long to learn the things I have learned spiritually this past year.  So much of my life was spent "thinking" I knew the Lord, yet not really having the intimate relationship He desires with each of His children.  And I don't have that intimacy all the time, just when I take the time to develop it.  He tells us in His Word, that we will find him when we desperately seek Him.  The way this relationship came about was not through easy times of peace and joy, it came about with tears and sorrow and desperately seeking Him and finally yielding to Him and saying, "I know you know best for me, for my children and for my life and whatever that is, I will learn to be happy with it because I know you know what is best for me."  Trust, absolutely one of the hardest things humans can do.  There are times that the peace of God so overwhelms me I can barely breathe, and cannot remain without emotion.  Sometimes, especially here lately, when I realize His hand on me and my children, when I see the way He works and experience His grace in each circumstance, I stand amazed in His presence with tears running down my face.  

There is one thing I would like to add to this blog.  As we read and think on the Christmas Story during the holidays, this year the Lord gave me a special insight to see it a little differently than I usually do.  This year as I thought about Mary, unmarried and carrying a child in a culture totally unaccepting of  such things, I didn't see her as the Mary I normally do.  This year it dawned on me that Mary had to be so confused concerning the things that were happening to her, yes she was blessed to carry the Messiah, but what she thought that would mean, had nothing to do with the reality she lived.  Can you imagine as she gave birth to the child fathered by the Holy Spirit, God incarnate, she would deliver Him in a nasty barn, with no place to lay Him except a manger?  What is up with that?  This was the Messiah!  She knew what she was told, she knew how she conceived but she had no one to smooth the path for her.  Remember the angel only told her, no one else what was happening to her.  Joseph was told in a dream, which we all doubt from time to time.   Mary had to trust and I can only imagine how hard that would be when He was rejected, then placed on a cross.  Wait a minute, this is your Messiah, what is going on here, why would you do this?  Can you imagine her crying out to God to DO SOMETHING!  This is your son too!  I would imagine Mary would be wanting another divine visit explaining all the strange goings on to her but we are never told in the Bible that it ever took place.  She had to trust her Lord just the way we do when we think we have it all figured out and then everything falls apart.  We are told she pondered things and held them in her heart.   Our Lord tells us, "My ways are not your ways, my thoughts are not your thoughts."  He is still sovereign, He is still Holy, He is still Righteous and He is still ultimately in control.  He knows what is best for us all.  When we are in the midst of a tough situation, and we could see so many ways that God could "fix it" and doesn't then we have to trust once again that He alone is in control and our biggest job is to yield to Him.  

Please Lord, help me remember this Christmas and your Amazing Grace to me!

10 years since 9/11

I happened to be reading yahoo news on the computer a couple of days ago and the woman that had a supposedly famous picture of her covered in dust on 9/11 was talking about her life since that fateful day. She had not had a good 10 years to put it mildly and I think she was saying she ended up with these problems because of 9/11. Admittedly I was not there and could not bring myself to watch all the coverage of that horrific day in history. I am sure Pearl Harbor must do the same thing for the people alive during that era. We all remember exactly where we were the day we heard the news of the twin towers crashing down. Those moments tend to sear into our brains. It was a terrifying and sad day for our country and will never be forgotten by any of us that were alive during that day.

The dust lady's story made me think about my life and the last ten years. Wow! I have not had a wonderful time the last ten years either but I don't think the blame can be because of the terror of 9/11. My youngest son's 18th birthday was on September 13th. I remember his anger toward the terrorists which was so uncharacteristic for him, or so I thought. I have pictures of that birthday and he had a sadness in his eyes that bothers me to this day. 9/11 changed the world for that generation. They had not faced anything like this attack and it took away the "privilege" of safety in our homeland we have always felt was ours and an innocence those children would never again possess.

Many things have happened in my family since that terrible day. Some good, but a lot of bad it seems. Since September 11, 2001 I have learned that my son made a lifestyle choice that rocked my world to its core. Shortly after that bit of news, I learned that my husband was having an affair and in a few short months a divorce ensued and I was on my own. My heart was broken twice in just a few short months and I still am amazed that I made it through it with my mind in tact, but that is probably what is wrong with me now. : ) I had a good job, a great church, my mom lived down the road from us but after a year I felt that in order to survive I was going to have to move somewhere to "start over". I moved to the metroplex where my oldest son and his wife lived, got a new job working lots and lots of hours, found an apartment and tried to start a new life. I met a wonderful man, we eventually got married in 2003, and then I found out my mother had ovarian cancer and had known she was sick before I had moved away. More heartach and guilt over things I wished I had done differently, but eventually after my mother passed away, I had to stop running from all the stuff I had stuffed deep down inside and had to start dealing with the pain. It didn't seem to be budging. Death, divorce, moving, changing jobs and dealing with the stress of my son's lifestyle decision did not make for a great ten years!

I knew the answers to my guilt, bitterness and anger could be answered through the Lord but for several years I had felt that He had turned his back on me. I know now and truly I knew then that was not possible but it was how I felt. It was a long period of searching for truth and finding the answers I needed in God's word. It was not easy and there are still a few days when the past comes back to haunt me, but I know that I cannot dwell on the past. God gives me a hope and a future in Him. I am not in control He is and being able to understand and know that great truth is a huge blessing. I also was blessed with grandchildren. My son's oldest child, Ian, now three years old being the love of my life. I am so blessed to have a precious family with little ones, five in all at the moment, another due in February, to love and nurture. I have been able to quit work and stay at home in the past ten years, something I have always wanted to do. I have been blessed to have a wonderful church to attend where I have made many wonderful friends and have had the privilege of teaching our Sunday School class. It amazes me every time I teach the Lord speaks through me and trusts me to deliver His word to our class. Bible study has been the mainstay for me finding my way back to my faith and I have the honor of facilitating a Bible study class for ladies on Wednesday mornings. The Lord has blessed us with work and we can see Him working daily in our children's lives. There is no greater blessing than that.

So yes, in the past ten years there has been bad, but there has been blessing to counter all the bad. We serve a living, loving and holy God that leads us and guides our lives and what could be a better blessing than that?

What Would You Do?

I worked for a lady once whose husband retired while she was still working. He made a rule for her upon his retirement and it was that when they had breakfast in the morning before she left for work she could not ask him what he was going to do that day. I thought that was so dumb until I was the one getting to stay home and my husband went to work. Now I totally understand why he said what he did.
When Monty leaves for work he sometimes asks me, “What are you doing today?” Most days I am not sure what to say and feel guilty for not giving a good busy day answer. Truth be told my days are busy but not always with anything that matters a whole lot. Have you ever read the book, “The Cat in the Hat” to your children or grandchildren? Do you remember the part where the cat says “It is fun to have fun but you have to know how. I can hold up the cup and the milk and the cake! I can hold up these books and the fish on a rake! I can hold the toy ship and a little toy man! And look! With my tail I can hold a red fan! I can fan with the fan as I hop on the ball! But that is not all. Oh no! That is not all! That is what the cat said… Then he fell on his head! He came down with a bump from up there on the ball. And Sally and I, We saw ALL the things fall!”
Well, sometimes that is how my day goes.
I make up the bed putting pillows away, open the blinds and begin a new day.
Read my bible, say prayers then fix my makeup and curl up my hair.
Turn off the alarm and turn up the ac, open the door, let the dog out to pee.
I let him back in, give him treats if he’s good, then turn on the computer to check the news like I should.
After news, then there’s facebook and oh my “You don’t say”! Who’s ahead on Bejeweled? I really must play!
I’m hungry by now, fix something that’s healthy, that takes way too long, maybe fast food I’m feeling wealthy.
By now the pool’s calling and so is my book. Should I backwash today or lay here and cook?
A nice brown tan, guess I should go in, and see if I need to wash up a pan.
The sink is all clean but the tubs and the toilets! They really need cleaning but first check the closets
for clothes that need washing and drying, that’s easy! Come on girl get going! Quit sighing!
The lawn it needs mowing and then the weed-eating, the flowers and trees they also need tending, the tasks I see outside are never ending and require so much bending!
I really must rest in the house where its cool, not working outside like a silly old fool.
Oh dear, time for dinner, “Did I cook, are you kidding?” Oh my, my, No, No, No, we need to get thinner!
Decisions, decisions all the day long so when Monty gets home and he says to me, “Dear, did you have any fun? I can’t wait to hear. Tell me, Tell me what did you do?
And Elmo and I don’t know what to say, should we tell him the things that we worked on that day?
Should we tell him about it, Now, what should we do? Well…. What would you do if your husband asked you?

Downpour

I can't believe how long it has been since I posted on my blog. I have missed it but somehow there hasn't been a need to write anything lately. I am glad I am not trying to make a living by being a writer since I have had writer's block since the first of the year.

It is almost the end of summer now and it has just flown by this year. The kids are starting school next year and it is time to do the last sleepover with grandchildren before school starts this week. We took our granddaughters to Midland this past week to ride ponies and feed all the barnyard animals, along with swimming and their first target practice. On the way home the skies opened up and we experienced a huge downpour of rain that was much needed, so much so that we had to pull over for a few minutes, it was raining so hard we could barely see. What a wonderful blessing and demonstration of the goodness of the Lord. This week it is Ian's turn to spend the night at Grammy and Papaw's and get to swim before he starts school next week. It has been the hottest summer I can remember. I love hot weather but it has been too hot for me this year. My yard has suffered from the heat and lack of rain and I am just not willing to be out in the heat just yet. Praise the Lord that He has blessed us with rain this past weekend in all parts of our great state of Texas and I feel sure it was because we prayed as a people to our Lord for rain and forgiveness that he poured out His blessing on us.

I have facilitated a bible study at our church for several years now, but wasn't sure if I would lead a study this fall or not. Having been through several years of trial, suddenly, although it wasn't over, I had come to a place where I put it in God's hands and even though I was thankful for the peace that came, a dry season seemed to follow it. I think sometimes the Lord provides this rest because we simply couldn't continue in the intensity of the trial or storm for too long a period of time or we would simply not be able to hold up to the stress. In that season of rest I think I have become a little complacent regarding my relationship with my Savior and am ready for the downpour of His Spirit once again in my mind and my life. I was praying about this bible study when the study called "Downpour: He Will Come To Us Like The Rain" came to mind and I could totally relate to the topic both physically and spiritually. I am so looking forward to the things God will do in my life through this study. Just like He opened the Heavens with rain on our parched land, He will be faithful to pour out His spirit on our parched souls if we humble ourselves and make His Spirit welcome in our lives.

I am ususally sad when summer starts winding down but am looking forward to the cooler temperatures this year and all the things the Lord will be doing in our lives the rest of the year! God is good all the time, all the time God is good.

Some New Buddies

I am home this week, I spent last week and half of the week before at my sister and brother-in-law's property outside of Midland, close to Greenwood and thoroughly enjoyed myself. There is just something about West Texas, that is so special and no, it is not the wind. In our 5th wheel the head of the bed is up against a window which has mini blinds that clang every time you turn over in bed so we have raised the blind allowing the moon and the sun to shine straight in the window and we are people who like to sleep in total darkness. However, the moon and the stars outside of town are absolutely beautiful and since there is no cable TV or internet (except painstakingly slow) after a movie or reading we are usually in bed by 10pm. Going to bed this early means rising early due to the rising sun and plenty of sleep since we go to bed so early. If you have ever lived in this area of Texas you know what I am about to say is so true, before the wind starts blowing you could never experience a more beautiful climate. The sky is so clear and so blue. There is no humidity and being outside the city there is no noise and just a wonderfully peaceful atmosphere.

They have a lane that I walk up and down every morning for about 30 minutes enjoying the scenery and I have made some new friends while I was there. The neighbors have a menagerie of animals, mostly cows, one longhorn, 1 alpaca and 1 billy goat. One day the billy goat escaped the neighbor's fence and headed to my brother in law's and he told us to shut the gate to keep the goat in until the neighbor picked him up. This caused much distress for the alpaca and the goat because obviously they were close buddies. When I walked the next morning, the alpaca was standing by the goat separated by a fence and my brother-in-law's horse, Kit, was standing across the lane staring at the goat and the alpaca.

I could just imagine their conversation as they appeared to be trying to figure out how to get the goat back where he belonged so they could all get on with their business. It was extremely comical and fun to observe animals I don't get an opportunity to see everyday.

I'm In Love!

Well, do you blame me? I mean look at these boys, they are so precious to me. Their mommy is very gracious to let me steal some pictures from her blog and post them to mine. Every time I see this picture my heart just kind of feels like someone is squeezing it. They are growing so fast and I love them so much. Thank you Lord for these special blessings!

Ian's First Out of Town Overnighter

Grammy and Papaw have entered the world of 5th wheels. Papaw will be building a house in Midland over the next few months so my sister and brother in law have graciously allowed us to park our 5th wheel trailer at their land and beside the barn that Monty built a few years ago. It is way cooler than an RV park and has lots of stuff for a little guy to do so when Papaw had to go to Midland this week, I decided that I would see if Ian's mommy & daddy would let him ride to Midland with Grammy and spend the night. They told me it would be fine so after Ian's speech class Friday morning, I met Beau at Ridgmar Mall and picked up the boy and we headed to Midland. Our first stop was Pizza Inn at Abilene where we met up with Uncle Cole and had some pizza, then we were back on the road to see Papaw. Ian looked at books, counted on his fingers, pulled off his shoes and socks and we listened to "I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas" about 25 times. He never fussed about the long ride and was as good as could be.

We finally got to the barn, outside of Stanton, and we turned the little guy lose to run wild for awhile.




He played on the tractor first and of course I didn't have my camera handy, we walked back up to the barn opened the doors to the barn and found the roller coaster which provided tons of fun. We went back to the trailer and cut up an apple for Kit, the horse, and Ian wasn't the least bit afraid of him. He was so gentle with Ian and was very careful to take the apple from him with just his lips, no teeth, thank goodness. Cousins arrived along with my sister and her daughter Jenni. Then it was time to go for a ride on the wagon and then stomp a few gopher holes and build a sand castle with the dirt. Boys just love dirt and notice how clean Kiersten stayed.

It was time to go in and get a bath and eat supper and get in bed and we were a little worried about Ian sleeping so we thought we would let him lay in bed and watch a video. Since he had run so much and only slept about an hour while we were driving we thought he would fall asleep quickly. We were going to let him watch until he fell asleep but he kept commenting on the video saying, "Oh no! Grammy! Oh no!" We decided we would turn it off and 3 nightmares later at 1:20am we all finally slept.

Saturday we went in to Midland to eat at Taco Villa (yumm!) let Ian play at Martha's house then headed to Weatherford again. He was worn completely out but when we got home we had one more surprise for him. My friend's grandchildren had outgrown their battery operated truck and she graciously passed it down to my grandchildren. Ian had his first driving lesson and loved his truck! He is such a little blessing to us, we had a blast and I am pretty sure he did also. I am so thankful for the opportunity we had to spend one of our first 5th wheel trips with this precious boy.