Yesterday our pastor preached directly to me again. He talked about how we try and try to become the person that God will be pleased with but no matter how hard we try, we of ourselves can never achieve that goal, it is the Holy Spirit living within us that makes us that person that becomes a friend of God. That is what I want to be today. God's friend, someone he is glad that he created and placed on this earth. I do know I love Him for all he has done and it is awesome to think that He created me to be part of His totally incredible creation, still the sinful nature that lives within me also wars against the spiritual making me a miserable person at times. I think it is time to be creative with my life. I must take it and do something new or does that mean he takes me and does something new with me? I know I am not content to merely exist. I want more than that. How do you think it is that some people can wake up every morning and contentedly go about their day when others like me for the last three weeks, get up with an emptiness in their soul that feels as large as the Grand Canyon? I have had the contentment and peace in my soul and I have heard that God sometimes stirs up our nests so to speak, to get us out of our comfort zone to step up to the next level with Him, but I get confused as to who is stirring me up. Is it my Lord trying to move me on, not wanting me to rest where I am or is it Satan stirring the pot of discontentment?

Lord I pray for direction from you. Please show me what you want me to be and then make it happen through your spirit in me. I desire nothing more or less than to have the peace in my soul that I know only you can provide. Should there be sin that I need to confess, show me what it is that I might confess it and return once again to a place where I have a thirst and a hunger for you, your words and life itself. You created me for a reason, please help me walk in such a way I fulfill your desire for me and fill me up with your spirit in abundance. Amen

This is my life

Life has been busy lately, nothing exciting just busy stuff. I have been in Snyder helping Monty (as best I could) with a remodel there. Maybe I helped a little but I was ready to be done with the job and come home. We have just tried to get rested up a little, of course when you have been gone there is always laundry to catch up and yard work that has to be done. I am weird about that though, I do enjoy yard work. I am trying to grow a pumpkin patch inside our retaining wall so I am trying to figure out what it takes to actually have pumpkins to decorate with in the fall. Monty and I went to the movies last night and on the way home were talking about technology and how it just blows our minds. Things we saw in movies when we were young are now things that we all have in our homes, the tiny phones we all carry and all the things we can do with them just absolutely boggles the mind. Just yesterday I had sent Ian a video e-mail, singing ABC's to him and when we got home they called and walked me through getting on Skype so I could actually talk to him in real time, he doesn't relate to the phone all that well, but when he can see you it makes a difference. If you are about my age you can remember Jane or June Jetson talking on her phone but could actually see the person. I remember everyone talking about how awful that would be because you wouldn't want to answer the phone if you didn't have your hair combed or makeup on or were still in your pjs at noon! It has arrived and has been made accessible for every household, it is easy to sign up and it is free. How does that work? Nothing is free anymore! : )

Having said all that I am having a blue day. Monty left for Midland for a few days, I am teaching SS on Sunday so I need to get my lesson completed, which is something I usually look so forward to, but just feel a little down today. I have figured out that writing is something that usually makes me feel better when I get down in the dumps and had signed up for a creative writing class on the 15th of June for Tues and Thurs nights until July 8th but they called this morning and cancelled the class because not enough had signed up. I can't even begin to tell you how disappointed I am. I know that life is a wonderful, blessed gift from the Lord. I know that, I am still on this earth because God has a purpose for my life, but I have days when I really struggle to find the motivating factor for my life. I want to be the person I should be in Christ but sometimes the inadequacy I perceive in my soul is overwhelming. Thank you Lord that you see through all the bad stuff and still work through me to reach others for you. Help me be the person you want me to be.