I happened to be reading yahoo news on the computer a couple of days ago and the woman that had a supposedly famous picture of her covered in dust on 9/11 was talking about her life since that fateful day. She had not had a good 10 years to put it mildly and I think she was saying she ended up with these problems because of 9/11. Admittedly I was not there and could not bring myself to watch all the coverage of that horrific day in history. I am sure Pearl Harbor must do the same thing for the people alive during that era. We all remember exactly where we were the day we heard the news of the twin towers crashing down. Those moments tend to sear into our brains. It was a terrifying and sad day for our country and will never be forgotten by any of us that were alive during that day.
The dust lady's story made me think about my life and the last ten years. Wow! I have not had a wonderful time the last ten years either but I don't think the blame can be because of the terror of 9/11. My youngest son's 18th birthday was on September 13th. I remember his anger toward the terrorists which was so uncharacteristic for him, or so I thought. I have pictures of that birthday and he had a sadness in his eyes that bothers me to this day. 9/11 changed the world for that generation. They had not faced anything like this attack and it took away the "privilege" of safety in our homeland we have always felt was ours and an innocence those children would never again possess.
Many things have happened in my family since that terrible day. Some good, but a lot of bad it seems. Since September 11, 2001 I have learned that my son made a lifestyle choice that rocked my world to its core. Shortly after that bit of news, I learned that my husband was having an affair and in a few short months a divorce ensued and I was on my own. My heart was broken twice in just a few short months and I still am amazed that I made it through it with my mind in tact, but that is probably what is wrong with me now. : ) I had a good job, a great church, my mom lived down the road from us but after a year I felt that in order to survive I was going to have to move somewhere to "start over". I moved to the metroplex where my oldest son and his wife lived, got a new job working lots and lots of hours, found an apartment and tried to start a new life. I met a wonderful man, we eventually got married in 2003, and then I found out my mother had ovarian cancer and had known she was sick before I had moved away. More heartach and guilt over things I wished I had done differently, but eventually after my mother passed away, I had to stop running from all the stuff I had stuffed deep down inside and had to start dealing with the pain. It didn't seem to be budging. Death, divorce, moving, changing jobs and dealing with the stress of my son's lifestyle decision did not make for a great ten years!
I knew the answers to my guilt, bitterness and anger could be answered through the Lord but for several years I had felt that He had turned his back on me. I know now and truly I knew then that was not possible but it was how I felt. It was a long period of searching for truth and finding the answers I needed in God's word. It was not easy and there are still a few days when the past comes back to haunt me, but I know that I cannot dwell on the past. God gives me a hope and a future in Him. I am not in control He is and being able to understand and know that great truth is a huge blessing. I also was blessed with grandchildren. My son's oldest child, Ian, now three years old being the love of my life. I am so blessed to have a precious family with little ones, five in all at the moment, another due in February, to love and nurture. I have been able to quit work and stay at home in the past ten years, something I have always wanted to do. I have been blessed to have a wonderful church to attend where I have made many wonderful friends and have had the privilege of teaching our Sunday School class. It amazes me every time I teach the Lord speaks through me and trusts me to deliver His word to our class. Bible study has been the mainstay for me finding my way back to my faith and I have the honor of facilitating a Bible study class for ladies on Wednesday mornings. The Lord has blessed us with work and we can see Him working daily in our children's lives. There is no greater blessing than that.
So yes, in the past ten years there has been bad, but there has been blessing to counter all the bad. We serve a living, loving and holy God that leads us and guides our lives and what could be a better blessing than that?
